My Journals of Mexico

Sept. 5th, 2011

I'm back in Mexico. It feels as though I am a child who was longing for the security of Home and have been away for a period of time. I always have this sense of safety, tranquility, peace, serenity, joy. All these things wash over me as I write this. Cleansing the filth, decay and worldly things off my back. Despite our issues getting a group here; Satan was fighting us at every step, yet he will not win because a greater cause is at stake. God's cause. We did a cookout at Douglas. I didn't get to see around at all the new items as I stayed and helped to cook. I did get to spend alot of time talking with Lonnie Clouse. He had worked for Nascar as the Chaplain before coming to work at Back2Back. My highlight for the day was when Pamela saw me and was excited to give me a hug. The joy on her face was... I can't come up with a strong or expressive enough word to describe that feeling. She at one point told me "Thank You" in English and was so proud of that. My prayer that night: God, I am open; Fill me. I am ready; so use me. I am yours; control me. I am unclean; purify me. I am sin personified; Sanctify me. May I always Intentionally seek after you. 1Kings 2:1 "Be Strong and Show yourself a Man!" ______________________________________________________________________________________________ Tuesday September 6th, 2011 - AM

After getting to bed after midnight, I still set my alarm for 6 am this morning. This is my Mexico ritual. I anticipated eagerly this morning what God has for myself and the group today. I found I was waking up multiple times (Every 10 to 15 min's for 2 hours). It was if I were a child and it was my Birthday or Christmas morning. How I want everyday to be like that. I want to eagerly anticipate what God has for me. To be excited to seek Him; to commune with Him and be Still in Him. God Help me to know more then just rumors of your fame. My highlight was the story of a 7 year old who came to Mexico. He mother was talking about how hard she felt it was not being able to communicate. This 7 year old overheard and said "mom, They smile in English." The Mountains were hidden slightly from view this morning. Similar to God's plan for my life. I felt Him as clearly as someone sitting next to me say "Not yet; but soon!" Lord Help me to wait in expectation on you. ______________________________________________________________________________________________ Tuesday Sept 6th, 2011 - PM

We started the day with devotions and small group. Then God hit me. We toured a home with new house parents Oscar and Ellen. They in Spanish asked how many times we had all been to Back2Back. Our pastor is pretty good with Spanish and was telling them once for most of the group, twice for him and too many for me (like 13 he said). She looked at me and said in Spanish "Maybe God is calling you here!" I was overwhelmed in my spirit. First the am conversation with God I mentioned before and now this. It felt like such a confirmation in my spirit. We then worked at the Cadaryta Rio. They guys put a metal roof on the church, while the ladies played and sorted clothes. Before we served them supper we did a play acting of David and Goliath with the kids! It was so much fun and got lots of laughs! It was a blessing to see Pastor Angel and his passion. It was hard to see a mother and her son both HIV positive, living in deplorable conditions above the church in a room with only half a roof. I was filled with Joy when Makenna and Mariah had kids latched on to them while playing a game etc... God use me today to shine. Use me to shine through! _______________________________________________________________________________________________ Wednesday Sept 7th, 2011 - am

This morning Greg lead a devotional. It was on BEING the Beatitudes; not one but all of them. 2 Amazing things hit me. First he brought this thought to mind: Everything Jesus did he did by total dependance on God. If I were fully reliant and being Christ like then His truth that we can do as He did is true. If you are like Christ the World will love you; if you are Christ Like the world will hate you. Second he prayed that the Holy Spirit would fill us and be our source. At that moment a rush of sensation came flooding over me. God you are Awesome! Empty me out and fill me with only you. May I always seek you first. ________________________________________________________________________________________________ Wednesday Sept. 7th, 2011 - pm

Wednesday was amazing. We, after the devotional I mentioned earlier, went to Del Norte. First we played with the 5 infants. One of these girls was Downs Syndrome. This effected me with doubts about my ability to adopt a special needs child with this or any other severe issue. But it did cause me to pray, consider and think it through. Then we worked hard. We did a concrete pour for the roof of a second story building. All day, about 5 hours, we did this. I was on the scaffold lifting buckets. After we finished we learned that they did this before with 18 people and struggled. Our group of 7 did it and finished. No complaining! God help me to never forget you use the small and poor in spirit. ________________________________________________________________________________________________ Thursday Sept. 8th, 2011

Today we took the "good kids" from Del Norte to the zoo. These were the kids who had done homework, behaved at the home etc.. We also picked up Antonio, my sister's family Shelter child, and Pamela. I was able to spend the whole day with Pamela. It was great. I used my phone for Google Translator and told her a couple of things. First, I had a gift for her and told her that this is a birthday gift for you because God loves you and so does my family. I then told her to promise she would work hard in school, Pray and Learn to love Jesus Christ more. I told her how special her letters are, and that she was like family to me and I loved her. My highlight was when Pamela fell asleep with her head in my lap. The trust I felt. The love and desire to protect her. I left wanting to write her more and guide her in her life with Christ and her love for others. God help me Learn to be a father by encouraging both Dakotah and Pamela. ______________________________________________________________________________________________ Friday Sept. 9th 2011

It is very clear and evident to me what God is telling me. I need to Intentionally seek him. Instead of picking up my computer, I need to pick up the word, or a book. "Come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest". Yesterday I was transfixed by how rest could effect me. When Pamela "rested" on me, it showed me her Trust. It showed me alot. This morning is very bittersweet. I am ready to see my kids, to hug them. But yet I will miss this peace. I will miss the tranquility of the mountains. The awesomeness of God. Lord, I want to live life for you, completely. But that takes intentional effort. Please help me to make this. Give me strength, and wisdom, and understanding. In you I find my strength.' ______________________________________________________________________________________________ Friday Sept. 9th 2011

I'm writing this from Houston airport. Gate E9. We are in the US... yet my mind and heart are still in Mexico. My mind is thinking about how I can write and share my thoughts with Pamela and Dakotah; thoughts about being Children of Christ, loving Him more, and working hard in school. God help me to put my emotions to word, to thought. Help me to be a father to my kids and to put to words what I need to in order to help Pamela grow in Christ. To you be all glory and honor forever and ever. Amen.