Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Why I dislike ‘christians’

The subject is my proposed title that I would call my book.
Yeah, I have thought numerous times about writing a book.
What would I write on you ask? Trails, persecution and slander.
Recently, some old nightmares have come back to me. Things I have put out of mind, forgiven and tried to forget.
I use to call them the Cecil Curse. All of us Cecil Kids went through them, each one reacted differently. My brother ran from church, friendships etc… My sister got involved to change the world. And I… I ran. I ran from trying to be close to anyone.

When you grow up a PK (preachers Kid) you go through life with a large bull’s-eye on your back and heart. When Satan wants to attach the church or Pastor the toughest place is when he hits the family of the preacher.
When I was younger I didn’t understand it. Then I got older. It became hard to trust anyone, even kids my age. I have had Sunday School teacher, Youth leaders, best friend parents, friends etc… people I looked up to start rumors about me.

Yes, at the age of 10 I was a drug addict, drinking, sex driven kid. Wow… when I was 10 the closest drug I knew was Pepsi and many of you know that I am addicted to that drug.
At college I meet with a professor who told me I was a disgrace to the Cecil name since I had crazy hair and earrings, not a dress shirt and pants. I shortly left that college.
This happened numerous times in numerous places. In all of it thanks to the integrity, love and non-hypocritical attitude of my parents I made it through to college.

I haven’t thought about these hurts for years and then these past 2 years my Niece has been fighting them.
Friends have turned on her, and she can do nothing right. My sister still attends my dad’s church and the kids are in the school that my dad is the administrator at. So my niece has been under attack the last 2 years at this church and school.
People wonder why I don’t build deep friendships. It’s fear. Fear of letting people into my life. Not a fear of being real, as I am who I am. I am no different with anyone.

The issues with my niece have reached a boiling point. My dad is ready to shut down the high school due to the evil GOSIP that is going on there from the students and even their parents.
Pray that my sister will allow my niece to come stay with us after the funeral for a few weeks. She needs refreshed.

In each family though that has hurt me or my family I feel nothing but pity. Pity, as they attack others to try and get the eyes off of them and their issues.
“Hurt people, hurt people.”
I read a verse years ago when my youth leader was attaching me and dragging others in the church into it: “The hard times come so that you are made wiser and stronger in your faith.”… I claimed that promise over and over again.

I can’t say everything was fine. I ran from church for a few years, hung out with the wrong crowed. Started smoking. Yet something kept feeling empty and I knew it was God. Not ‘church’ or ‘religion’ but a longing for GOD! Thankfully His hand kept me away from drugs and alcohol. I have such fond memories of being the only one sober who had to keep my friends from drowning in their own puke. Standing in a cold shower fully clothed with one friend on his 18th b-day because he drank so much he passed out and started convulsing. There was no joy in that.

I recently was at a family reunion in PA for Mandy’s family and they were having a Missionary retreat before they went back into the field. I couldn’t stop praying the entire time I was there for the kids of these families. They didn’t get to choose the calling that their parents felt. They didn’t have a choice but to go with them to the fields oversees or not. And they didn’t have a choice but to know and understand that they will be attacked.

All that to be said. I am still recovering. And I will never allow that to happen to any PK that is at my church or in my realm of influence. Pray with out ceasing that they will go un-scathed.


Beth said...

I am sorry to hear about your grandmother, my family and I are praying for your family.

Beth Plank
store 104

Jena said...

What a great blog! I never really knew/ thought about these people being under constant attack. I will make sure to pray for our pastors and their children. They have a tough job!

I'd rather be caving! said...

You can tell this topic hit on some nerves.
Too often we go through our lives as believers and never have anyone challenge our usefulness to the cause of Christ.
I have had more than one email one this blog in good and others in bad light.
Well, all I can say is we are entitled to our own opinions and can agree to disagree.

Oh and to clear this up for all of those who have emailed, for there was more than one, who thought I was bitter towards the 'church'....
The problem with blogs is they are 1 dementional (see my blog I will post on nov 14th, 2007). So you can read them any way you want.

I am not bitter towards the 'church' (SMALL C) as the 'Church' (Captial C) is firm in Jesus.
And to sum it up let me leave you with a quote: "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."