I'd Rather be Caving

Story of my Death... and ressurection...

2012-01-10T22:09:00.006-06:00

I needed a reminder tonight... As painful as this is to relive even being 7 years ago...
This is my story of death. I shouldn't be alive.
__________________________________________________________________________

“I took the long way home”

LOST

It started out as any other adventurewith one exception, my little brother had come down from Michigan to visit andhe wanted me to take him caving. He, his wife and daughter had made it herelate Thursday night. I had to work Friday but had plans of taking him cavingand then take our families to see Burgess Falls and Fall Creek Falls onSaturday before they had to leave on Monday.

Working Friday was not in my original planand I wanted to give him as full of a caving tour as possible, so I decided,without giving him warning, that we would leave Friday evening instead ofSaturday morning. That way we could have all night and some of Saturday toexplore without canceling our families’ plans to go with us to the waterfallson Saturday. I felt that since we didn’t have all day Friday night and Fridayas originally planned, we would still have enough time to take our full fill ofthe cave experience.

On long trips, your body’s natural sense of time is thrownoff and exhaustion and dehydration are increased exponentially at night. I hadonly a few short hours of sleep Thursday night, had got up for work at foura.m. and got home around five p.m. Assoon as I walked through the door, I announced that we had to hurry and leaveso that we could reach the cave before dark. I have to admit, I enjoyed the questioning looks of “Are youserious?” As we scrambled our gear intobags and rushed out the door.

Mywife questioned me as to my lack of sleep the night before. I said I was used to it and that this way wewould have all night and into Saturday morning before we would get back, thusgiving us more time in the cave and without taking up the entire weekend. As we rushed out the door, my wife said to havefun and be careful. She also said shedidn’t want to have to call my mom and tell her that she had lost twosons.

Two sons is a good description. Better than two brothers. My brother and I had never been close. It was the difference in ages that kept usapart. He was five or six when I left home,and besides Holidays, we never took the time or felt the need to make the timeto spend together. We had always livedin separate states and it was only now that we both had families that we hadsomething that made enough sense to bring our busy schedules together. Neither of us knew just how close we wouldbecome as we would spend the next 40 hours in the ultimate of cavingadventures.

As we drove through the last full rays of the day, hewatched in amazement at how rapidly the bustling of the city was replaced byonly the scarcity of civilization. Astwilight was rippling through the valleys, we passed by houses on the ridge-topssurrounded by barbed wire and no trespassing signs, unwelcome territory. We turned the radio off and drove quietly tothe pull-off by the cave. I proudlyhanded him one of my new headlamps. LEDlight! Not as bright as incandescentlight, but up to 100 hours of battery life on low. I didn’t know this would be one of thechoices that saved our lives.

We disappeared likethe sun as we dropped deep down into the valley. The moon shone its rays full on us as wearrived at the entrance under the veil of darkness. The water’s white foam reflected the moon’slights revealing the mouth of the cave against the rock face as my brotherlooked around for the first time. As wasusual for me, we sat in the darkness letting our eyes adjust, while there wasstill some moonlight to use.

One of the biggest feelings of comfort is in knowing youare alone and far from civilization. Coming across any other person deep in the woods is always a dangeroussituation. As we sat there in the quiet,disturbed only by the chatter of the bats, I realized we weren’t alone. I quietly explained to my brother that I hadheard someone and knew that he was 200 yards up the other side of the valleyand to remain quiet. In the cover of darkness, we fine tuned our eyes and ears.My brother started to shine his light and I quickly stopped him as the wrongperson would take a blinding light as a sign of aggression. I explained that a flashlight was as good asshooting first, that we needed to wait a minute. “He knows we are here,” I said“we first need to give him the opportunity to show his intentions”.

Not long after, we could see the light of twocigarettes. There were two of them but by lighting and puffing the red glow onand off, they were letting us know where they were and that they were notinterested in us. At that time I told my brother to place a small flashlight onthe ground, pointed into our faces and that would show that we were willing toput ourselves at a disadvantage, showing them that besides getting our gearready, we meant no harm.

Once ready, we headed in. I told him the stories and showed him where the salamanders and theangel had been. We then entered into the large collapse dome. I showed him thehuge formations I had found. It was verysatisfying to see the wonder and amazement in his eyes and to answer hisquestions as we explored areas of the cave which I was familiar with.

After showing him theeasy to find areas, I asked him if he felt comfortable enough to explore as Iwould. He said yes, and so we headedback towards the heart of the cave. I hadplanned on showing him areas that were unmarked and only explored by myself andas we walked, I explained how a shadow or a crack in the wall could be apathway to new areas. I wanted him tofind a crack or a shadow and let him decide to explore it. Even if I had already been in there it wouldbe new to him and a treasure found by his choice.

It wasn’t far and we came upon an opening atfloor level that he wanted to explore. I quietly was disappointed that he chosea hole in plain sight that could have been explored by anyone, but it was hischoice. Besides, this path had been marked with red paint by someone and I hadnever gone in before thinking that if it was so easily accessible that anyonecould enter, then where would the challenge be? None the less, I agreed toenter with him as I thought we would be in and out in plenty of time to finduncharted paths.

The entrance was triangular in shape, about 2 feet wide and2 feet tall but quickly opened up to about 4 feet tall and 3 feet wide. Inside the entrance, someone had written inred paint “DEVIL’S CRAWL”, and also the words “Satan will fuck you” (not mywords). I told my brother that the wordswere just foolish vandalism or a warning from a frustrated caver who had takenthis path before and obviously not liked it. With the hopes that it could be a difficult path, we both agreed to seewhere the path led.

We crawled about 20feet in and came upon a small gypsum room. The walls and floor were covered in gypsum powder and crystals. The soft clay walls could easily be pulledcarefully apart revealing the delicate crystal formations. My brother, Curt, enjoyed the hunt for thecrystals, finding them in all stages of development and formation. When we were done playing “treasure hunters”,we started the crawl further in. Thepath soon became the “devils crawl”. Thepath was full of random rocks jutting out from the floor, walls and ceiling,making the path more painful and difficult. About 50 feet back seemed to be the end. The crawl continued but was only about 10 - 12 inches high. I doubted that anyone else had continued pastthis point which is usually all the encouragement I need. I asked Curt if he wanted to get a sample ofthe type of caving I do and venture further. He said if I was willing, he would follow.

I took a few minutes explaining that if we headed in, thatthe only direction would be forward. Thepath was smooth, solid rock top and bottom and too narrow to turn around orback up. We would have to commit togoing forward until we found another room or exit. Our feet and heads would have to be keptsideways. Our breaths would have to beshallow as the rock would be pressing on both sides. I tried to explain just how important itwould be not to panic. With shallow, restricted breathing it would be easy tohyperventilate. If you panic andhyperventilate, you cannot get loose and you will suffocate. I explained that he would have to choose eachand every push forward wisely as there would be no second chances. If you try to back up, your clothes willbunch up and you will get stuck. Heseemed to understand, so I said “Follow me”.

The path was tightenough that our flannel shirts had to come off so the buttons would not snagand twist, painfully pressing into our chests, or getting us stuck on a crackin the floor. We also had to leave ourpacks behind as the path was too narrow and small to wrestle the pack bypushing it, or my usual method of pulling it, with my foot through thestrap. Now, with long sleeved shirts, webegan to inch our way forward. Each moveof a foot or an inch could only be made by exhaling as much air out of ourchest as possible and pressing forward, to then slowly inhale until themountain’s rock would stop our breaths. In most places it was impossible to take a full breath, so two or threesmall breaths were required before each move. The diaphragm is an involuntarymuscle and after many yards of maneuvering to the left or to the right of thepath to try and gain an extra 1/2“ or so of breathing room, I could feel my chest and ribs beginning to bruise fromthe pressure of the mountain’s hold. “Now this is real caving” I told my brother, “one hundred percentcommitment with no return.”

Soon after, I heard water. I yelled back to Curt that the water should have carved out a space bigenough for us to breathe and to not give up. Some relief was just ahead. Luckily I was right. About 50 feet ahead there was a spot tall enough tosit up and hang our feet down a 2 foot wide canyon where a stream flowed about20 feet down. Here we rested and my brotherhad now learned to appreciate the ability of expanded chest breathing.

We could have turned back at this point, but we chose to goon for a couple of reasons. The airsmelled fresh, the path opened up to a hand and knees crawl and I believed thatif there was water flowing, it had to come from somewhere. “Lets just go a little further and see if itopens up. If not we’ll come back.”

I was basically determined to prove the point that therewas always another way out, plus Curt agreed that he would prefer not to haveto go back through the squeeze necessary to escape. From this point on it was obvious that no onehad been through here in many years. Small stalactites on the ceiling would breakloose on our backs as we squeezed forward. We were also encouraged to continue as we came across an occasionalpainted arrow that someone had left.

The stalactites and soda straws that broke off as wesqueezed our way forward were not the only sign of how long it had been sincethis path had been taken. When we cameacross the empty spray paint can, we saw that it was probably 15-20 yearsold. There was nothing else to indicateany other visitors. At this point the floor was clay and there were no marksfrom clothing or shoes. We continued onfor about two miles, when we seemed to just pop out of the crawl into a largecollapse dome. The room smelled of freshearth and was littered with large rocks and boulders never touched and ready tofall on us if we were to bump against them.

This collapse dome was probably 200 feet tall and had giantrocks sticking 10 feet out at several points of the clay walls as if a merewhisper could unlock their hold. Thereseemed to be 100 paths out of this chamber and we explored many of them. One of the paths led to a tall round roomfull of bats. I remember holding mybrothers feet as he peered inside the opening that was about 20 feet up thewall and asking him “What do you see?” His reply indicated that it was a large room and as far as he could seethe walls were not visible due to the total covering of bats. I quickly said to be very quiet and turn offhis light and get down.

I like bats, but ifletting dogs lie is good advice, try a million bats. This would explain the constant stream ofbats that slowed our progress on the way in. The fly bys were interesting. Itwas the spots where the path was narrow on all four sides and the bats couldn’tfind a way past and a traffic jam would ensue. I wonder what the bats thoughts were as they knew the path fromexperience to be clear and then to find it blocked by a living person. After awhile, we had gotten used to themcrashing into our faces and then crawling over our shoulders and backs as weboth scrambled in our separate directions.

At the base of thecollapse dome there was a tunnel large enough to walk through that smelled richof water and clay. We are thirsty and Ithought it would be a good idea to fill up on water before we trudged the twomile crawl back out. Plus I still hopedto find another route out. “There isalways another way out.” I kept tellinghim. Surely we would pop out into anarea of the cave I was familiar with.

Upon exiting the tunnel, we came upon a four wayintersection. The floor and walls wereclay again, which to me means cave system, not cave passages. The ceilings were eight to ten feet tall andeasy to walk through. I was sure that wehad somehow come full circle and one of these paths would become familiar. Plus at the junction of these paths, therewere two arrows, each pointing against each other. To me this meant that we could go back or wecould go forward. Either way we werestill on track to finding another exit and hopefully the arrows meant there wassomething worth the trip. Even if theymeant that the caver from long ago had entered and then came back, he left amark which to me said “make sure you explore further in before going back. There are sights to see and wonders tobehold.”

The thought that didn’t cross my mind, was that the caverwho left these marks could have been confused as to the direction totravel. Perhaps circling and comingagain across his past marks. It was notlong after that this became all too apparent as the arrows began to run incircles, sometimes mere feet apart, but just out of sight of the other. Curt and I would separate, communicating thedirection of the arrows as we transversed through a maze of water canyons,close enough to hear and communicate, but even with two people getting asomewhat three dimensional map of the arrows could make no other sense thanthat the previous caver had got lost, panicked, and left too many confusingclues to make heads or tails of his path. We met back up and traveled back to the main junction to discuss what todo next.

The junction had four dark tunnels on the outside walls ofan approximately 15 to 20 foot room. Atthe center against the wall was a pile of pebbles and clay about three feettall and four or five feet wide and long, a great spot to lie back and rest bywiggling the rocks into a comfortable bed. The area we had been exploring was a maze of water chasms. The walls were one to two feet wide andrippled from the effects of the water carving its way through. The canyon was 20 to 30 feet tall with openingsat the bottom where streams flowed in levels even further below. It was easy to keep our footing as therippled walls were much like steps and we would walk forward with one hand andfoot on each side. The only problem wasthat the water canyon was so narrow, that to move forward, would involveclimbing up or down until we could find a spot wide enough to squeezethrough.

Some levels involvedsliding forward horizontally with only our shoulders and hips grabbing thesides and our chests and heads open to a 30 foot drop. If we were to loose our grip on the slipperyrock and fall, we would surely break many bones as the jagged sides would twistand contort us as we fell. Just asfrustrating, was finding our way 20 to 30 feet forward only to find the spacetoo narrow to continue. It would be areal memory game to remember the ups, downs, forwards, backwards and othermovements it would take to backtrack to find an alternative route.

After meandering like a marble through a maze, we came to aspot where the path opened up to the top and also to the bottom, where a smallstream flowed. We first went to thestream, found a clear pool and filled our dehydrated bodies with as much coolspring water as we could hold. A lonered salamander watched as we quenched our thirst, surely wondering what wewere. I wondered if he was lost, beingthis far back in the cave. I neverthought that if he had thought the same, that both of us may have been correct.

There were many water channels and cantilever breakdownsthat we explored at this lower level but they were all dead ends and each onehad arrows pointing in both directions. There seemed to be no way down so we decided to try climbing up to seeif that way showed any promise. Aboutthirty feet up a chasm crag there was a room that seemed large enough topossibly be a way out. I told Curt tostay at the bottom and I would check it out to see if it was worth both of uschecking out. We were getting cold anddehydrated, our stomachs had turned to acid from the exertion and we hadstarted taking turns to save energy. Wewere either going to find a new exit or have to make the two mile crawl back.

As I climbed up to check out the room, I was pulling myselfup to the top when a large rock I grabbed near, let loose and fell straightdown to where Curt had been standing. There was no warning. It hit theside walls maybe twice, and within half a second the two foot by four footchunk of limestone smashed into the floor. I yelled down “Are you all right?” and only heard silence. I was definitely ready to panic, but calmlycalled his name. “Curt”. Soon after I heard a soft answer of, “I’mokay”. “Are you sure”? I asked. “Did it hit you anywhere, your footor your arm? You could be in shock,” Isaid. The answer was no and that he hadlooked up just as the rock came straight for him only to have it veer off thewall landing just to his side. “I’mcoming down, stay there.”

When I reached the bottom, he was shaking like a leaf andhis face was ghastly white. I tried tolighten the mood by asking if he got agood adrenaline rush out of it, but the fact that his head could have beencrushed and he would have never even known was too distracting. To be honest, I was probably just as white,as I could tell by the twisting of my stomach, that I came all too close tokilling my brother. There was nothing Icould have done differently, I am always careful to make sure my foot andhandholds are secure. The rock that fellwas balanced so well above that it was only the slightest touch of my elbowthat set it free. We took some time indiscussing how to prevent a falling rock injury and that neither one wouldstand anywhere close to directly below the other and would proceed one at atime on any climb until the “all clear” was called down from above.

We didn’t talk long, but soon realized that talking wasdifficult as we were both shaking uncontrollably. We were both drenched in sweat and water andthe airflow in this part of the cave was cooler. I have a small thermometer and it read 43degrees. Another problem wasexhaustion. By now I thought it to bewell into the early morning hours and we both agreed that it was time to find ourway out. The room above was apossibility and the long crawl out was another? One thing was for sure. We weredehydrated and exhausted, and if we did not rest, we would not have the energyto make it anywhere. I asked him if hewas having trouble with acid in his throat. I had been for awhile, but he was too. The copper tasting bile in our mouths throats was a definite sign offatigue, overexertion and dehydration. Iknew that our decision making abilities were already getting foggy. Curt was still in a daze from the rock, so Idecided to head back to the main junction. It would be warmer and dryer and we could rest long enough to make aproper decision. I asked Curt tolead. He could maneuver through theslender water crevices easier and he seemed dazed and lethargic. I need him to stay with me. To be honest, it wasn’t just him. I could feel my own body begging to givein. This was not the place to rest. “Come on, let’s go back to the crossroads” Isaid “we’ll decide what to do there.”

It was not an easy path through the thin water canyons maneuveringup, forward, down, backwards, forwards again. Sometimes having to backtrack, but it warmed us up. We began to think clearly and Curt took thelead, remembering the steps made on the way in, and after only a couple moreback tracks, was able to lead us both back to the crossroads. There was comfort in the smell of clay and afamiliar space. Here we rested. We felt comfort in the fact that we could maneuverthrough such a difficult maze and end up exactly where we wanted.

Before long, we began making the decision of our nextmove. We had left our supplies back atthe entrance of the devils crawl. We hadno food, no water, no candles for warmth and no batteries. The LED lights we were using had high andlow. We switched to low to conservebattery life. Our MAG lights hadalready grown dim long before, but we had only been using them occasionally tolook around so the normal four to six hour battery life was no indication as tohow long we had been in the cave. I wasthinking eight to ten hours and knew our main concern was dehydration. Neither of us wanted to take the long crawlback and from my experience the shortest path had always been forward. But we were fatigued and I could see theworry growing and the trust fading in my brother’s eyes. I decided not to gamble with his life andtake the guaranteed way out with one exception.

We had to find water first. We both had the copper tasting acid in ourmouths and throats that came from dehydration and hunger. We had burnt so many calories that ourstomachs had begun to absorb their own linings and we needed water as soon aspossible and food soon after. I wasworried about my brother’s lack of body fat for energy. Not that I’m fat, but he is a twig and I’vegot a couple extra cells to burn if needed. With energy in mind, I stated that we must conserve our energy and restat least 15 minutes of every hour from here on.

Well, once rested we headed back up the tunnel and backinto the collapse dome from whence we both knew we had come originally. Unfortunately, we had a problem. The hole in the floor that we had come out ofwas not where we thought it was supposed to be. The only confusion was that the hole was notthere. We both had walked blindly,directly to the spot we both remembered as the way out. Why wasn’t it there? Logic, reason, rational thinking? All for naught. We both individually retraced our steps andplus our memories only to come up with the same conclusion, “the hole was notwhere it was supposed to be.” How couldthis be? How could I have been soirresponsible? I guess for one, I didn’tplan on coming back out the same way. Two, I could picture in my mind the way out, the hole, the exactposition I was in as I climbed up a small incline and emerged between two long flatrocks into the collapse dome. Confusion...

Looking around, we recognized enough features of the roomand areas that we had explored to know without a doubt that we had definitelycome from this room. The onlypossibility I could think of, that I could give him, was that there could havebeen two collapse domes and in our fresh, excited, exploring minds we may havetraveled through one of the tunnels we had explored on the way in, and enteredthis collapse enough times to have accepted it as the first one and not asecond one. With this in mind, we beganexploring tunnels one after another looking to verify this theory and find thefamiliar territory that would lead us back to the long crawl out.

At first, we would find a tunnel and both of us on handsand knees would crawl over the rocks and clay to see if this was the one. The first problem we ran into was that almostall the tunnels seemed familiar or unfamiliar. In the ones we remembered, we would gain momentum thinking that since weremembered it, that it was the way out, only to find a dead end and realizethat the familiarity came from our explorations on the previous night. The tunnels that we went into that seemedunfamiliar, we would both agree, that since we didn’t remember it, that itlogically would not be an exit and didn’t waste time exploring it. After as many as 20 dead ends, we began totire again. Exhausted, frustrated andtired we would take turns. One of uswould check the tunnel and the other would rest his eyes and body until one ofus would emerge with the bad news of another dead end. Sometimes the person doing the exploringwould come back and say that the tunnel was long enough that we should bothcheck it out. The original “devilscrawl” in had only one fork and if a path had a fork, we would turn back notwanting to take the risk of another maze that might be too confusing to findthe return path. The fork we encounteredon the original devil’s crawl on the way in was a good mile in and had a streamrunning below in a crevice, so we remembered what we had memorized on the wayin and only took paths without forks. Some of the promising passageways were so promising we would both travelfor hundreds of yards only to come upon a dead end. These dead ends didn’t even make sense asthere was no water flow, and no breakdown to explain why they stopped.

One path went for about 300 yards only to circle back tothe same room. All these crawls wereeither hands and knees or belly crawls and were slow moving. We had even begun to prefer the slower bellycrawls, not due to the fatigue, which had set in long before, but due to thebruises on our forearms and shins. I hadbegun scooting on my sides letting my hips and shoulders take the brunt of thepain, but before long nearly every bone, front, back and sides were screamingwith pain at every move.

After exploring morethan 30 tunnels, I had started exploring a new tunnel only to stop maybe ten orfifteen feet in from frustration and exhaustion. The rocks in this tunnel were three to fourinches, sharp and square. The painrequired to move forward was too excruciating. It was as if I hit a nerve complex on every rock. Funny bone or not, I found no humor inthis. We both lost all sense ofadventure and just wanted out. I knew bythe sharp edged rocks that this was not the path, but did not even have theenergy to go back the ten feet to where Curt was waiting.

He could hear me talk to him, even with my voice weary andlow. We talked about the possibility that at this point of fatigue, ourjudgment was probably affected and unless we could find water and rest, we wereprobably wasting our time. We may have even gone into the same tunnels morethan once. We had such a haze in our mind from dehydration that it had becomedifficult for either of us to focus as our vision was beginning to blur alongwith our memory.

As I lay there resting, I thought that my shoulder wasgetting wet. I took my glove off and felt my right shoulder realizing that thisrocky floor was moist with water. I hurriedly called for Curt to come down. Thetunnel was uphill and this was the only wet spot. We separated the rocks anddug a small hole in the moist clay but could not get the water to pool at all.The moist clay would just wick it away as fast as we could try to gather it.

We did the only thing we could do as our thirst crazy mindstold us both. We picked up each rock and licked the bottoms of them gettingnothing more than a clay flavored, moistened tongue. It was impossible to evengather enough for a satisfying drop to quench our thoughts that seemed gluedtogether with stomach acid, but the moisture soon eased the taste of bile inour mouths and renewed us to move on.

We sat for awhile at the base of the collapse dome and usedour MAG lights to light the room and searched our memory for any recollectionoverlooked before. Both outer sides sloped steeply upward and seemed steeperthan we would have remembered if we had emerged from the topside of this roominstead of the bottom as we had remembered. Of course “as we remembered” wasn’tdoing us much good at this point. By now we had probably spent 8-10 wastedhours in dead end tunnels and crawls. We were exhausted beyond measure,dehydrated to the point that our breath wreaked of bile. Our vision wasblurred. We were both having trouble focusing our eyes and now as we talked, werealized that our mental fatigue had hit a level where we were having troublefinishing our thoughts and sentences. Our speech was slurred by our swollen,dehydrated tongues which just made the effect worse.

Sitting at the base of that room, we both decided thatclimbing the steep slope to the back wall was our next step. This time weseparated, with Curt taking the left slope and I took the right. We would meetback at the base as soon as possible and proceed on together if another avenuewas found. Up was good if we wanted to find another exit. At this point wewould have been happy to be lost in the woods, even if miles from the originalentrance. Up could also put us back up into an area of the cave that I wasfamiliar with as I still hoped.

When we met back up around ½ hourlater, we both had hoped of another path. I had found a large opening which Ithough could lead to other large rooms and Curt had found a small hole like theone we had first emerged from that opened up into a larger room.

Weboth wanted to take the route we had found. We nearly argued over which path totake. Curt nearly won; we went my way first. Curt’s argument was convincing butI thought that I smelled water, which at this point we needed as much at thispoint or more than a way out. We crawledup the steep slope to a large crack in the wall that was hidden from our viewbelow by a large rock about 4 feet square that stuck out of the ground straightup to a pointed end nearly 20 feet above.

Like entering a secret passageway, we wereable to walk upright as if along a hallway for about 50 yards when the pathturned to the left and a few yards later opened into a large room with theblissful sound and smell of fresh running water.

We took no time tolook around at what would be the most beautiful of rooms we would encounter,but both went straight up to the waterfall we saw straight ahead and drankuntil our bellies bulged from the cool, refreshing water. We drank until we could drink no more and thensat back to look at and enjoy the falls.

We realized soon after that we should have been morecareful not to get as wet as we sat shivering from the cold. We already had theshakes from dehydration and now we were freezing as well. Happy to shakeuncontrollably is what we felt though, sitting there feeling as if we hadfinally accomplished something positive. I knew that with something in our stomachs, our digestive process wouldkick in and would soon compensate and warm us up, even if our core temperaturewas lower than it should have been.

Now we had a chance tolook around and reflect upon the room which may have saved our lives. The room was only about 100 foot deep by 150foot wide but an amazing 250-300 foot tall. It was what I call a rain room. A rain room always has a constant rain fallfrom the ceiling. Some are like a light sprinkle and some are like a summers’rain with many large drops. This room hada steady summer-like rain falling from the center of the ceiling from a flatspot of granite about 30 feet in diameter. This “rain” then fell on the top of a giantmushroom-head. Well, not an actualmushroom, but a mushroom best describes the 40 foot wide platform.

The rain fell onto thetop of the mushroom shaped platform into a pool of water that collected on topand then equally and smoothly flowed over and down the rounded sides of the fringed edges of the mushroom or maybebetter described as a toadstool, shaped platform from where we had drank ourwater. This toadstool platform was aboutten feet off the ground and was protruding 30 feet out from the back wall withonly about ten feet supported in the rear leaving an open canopy of at least 20by 40 feet under the waterfall, which gently flowed from all sides equally ontothe pebbled floor below.

Although precarious looking, Curt and I felt comfortablegoing behind the canopy of water and under this giant “Mushroom” since if itwas to fall, it would have done so long before from the water strain. We quickly found comfort nestled into the“soft” small pebbles underneath the canopy. It is not often that you get a storybook-like chance of us relaxingbehind a waterfall, hiding behind the curtain of water. How amazing it was for us to find awaterfall, after roaming for miles under the earth’s surface and to watch itfall more than 200 feet to gather in a pool, and then cascade over this magicmushroom’s fall and enjoy it from underneath.

We were feeling pretty good at this point. Our bodies had finally had the chance to restand recuperate. The air was very cool inthis room with the waterfall, but underneath the falls we found relief for ourdehydrated and weary muscles and bones. The foggy haze had dissipated from our brains and our vision had begunto clear. We had everything we wanted ina caving trip, except warmth and of course a way out.

We discussed our next move. Curt described the hole he had found. It opened up into a small room with a hole in the upper wall which couldlead to another area, but was definitely not the crawl we were lookingfor. He also said that there were noarrows or signs that anyone had ever been in there. The only positive sign that his find couldlead to another possible way out was bat guano on the floor. If there was a lot of bat traffic, they hadto be headed out, because there was no signs of any bats after exiting the samehole back into the collapse dome. Thelast place that we saw arrows and did not continue on was where the rock almostfell on Curt’s head. We were refreshedand of good spirits so we decided to try that new area and see where it led orif we could find any other arrows. Ofcourse, we would keep our eyes open as we traveled for the original crawl andtake it if found.

And so we began again, out from under the waterfall,another good drink of water, out of the rain room and through the hallway tothe collapse dome. Then down the steepouter side to the base exiting to the familiar four way junction; Through thetwisting water chasms to the end of the path that opened up at the top.

This time, Curt stayed out of the way until I reached thetop and called for him to come up. Onceup, we both sat intrigued by what we saw.

Across a ten foot wide canyon 30 to 40 feet deep was alarge room that seemed to light up like daylight as we peered inside. The room looked like the moon, soft andgrey. The water chasms and even theclimb up was smooth and black with no debris other than a pebble here andthere. As if crossing into a newdimension, this room was different. Different even from any clay dirt or rock found in any cave I had seenbefore. It was too far to jump safely asthe soft grey mud was rounded and smooth at the edge of the other side, givingus nothing firm to grab hold of to avoid a deadly fall. There was, however, a log like crossover fromour side to the other side. It was abouttwo feet around and long enough to straddle our legs around and scoot to theother side. The problem was that wecouldn’t tell if it was a long skinny rock covered in this grey mud or just aclump of mud that would break as soon as we were halfway across. I dug my hands five or six inches into thesoft mud and found no rock. I climbed underneathand looked and felt for rock, but only found mud. I call it mud, but it would best be describedas lunar dust. You could make afootprint in it three or four inches deep just like the one you see on the moonlanding pictures. If was soft and lightas dust, but as soon as you went to pull your foot back out, the moisture waspresent enough deeper in the mud to cause suction as you pulled your foot backup.

We were both interested enough to want to explore thisroom, so I held on as best as I could and cautiously pressed my weight onto themud log, which was the only path to this room. Although it seemed to be only a stick of mud, it seemed willing to holdmy weight, so with one leg on each side, I slowly straddled the mud log to theother side and then told Curt to do the same. Even though the top layer was soft, dry, grey, moonlike dust, we calledthis the mud room because our feet sunk sometimes to our ankles as if we werewalking in a swamp. Plus the mudcollected on our boots causing every step to be a slippery situation. We would have to kick the mud off the solesof our boots, as it would collect thick enough and heavy enough to make walkingdifficult.

The room was a delight to behold. It was 30 feet tall and round shaped, probablyabout 300 feet across. There were largerocks here and there as if placed around the room so that none would touch theother. It looked like the moon. The rocks, the walls, the floor and even theceiling seemed to be totally covered in this grey mud as if it fell like dustupon the floor. It was so powdery anddry on the surface that it would blow away like lava dust, but would cake intoa wet mud once pressure was applied. Ididn’t want to leave a bunch of deep ugly footprints to stay forever and ruinthe unique “lunar” look of the room, so we stayed to the outer right wall androunded our way to the back.

At the back, right-hand side of this lunar-like mud room,there was a large opening into a large room that was made up of familiarlooking rocks and clay. The only questionas to move forward or not was that the opening we were standing at was at least20 feet up the wall. This would requirewhat I refer to as a leap of a faith. Iexplained to my brother that if we jumped or slid down into this area, therewould be little hope in getting back up.

I have made many “leaps of faith” in my adventures and Ihave never regretted them, and even if I could have, I had never had to go backthe same way. On one adventure, my leapof faith was a 30 foot drop from a hole in a ceiling into a stream. I knew that stream had to lead somewhere, andafter two days in the cave, that particular leap of faith landed me within fiveminutes of the exit.

We both knew that we were totally lost. This new area looked much like the heart ofthe cave and there seemed to be good airflow. Once we both agreed to the chance of no return, we took our first leapof faith together.

We landed without injury in a large clay room of anothercave system. The room was long and wideand we walked for a short while in what we felt was the right direction, butnothing was becoming familiar to me. Atthe back of this room there was another opening that had a steep clay slidedeep down into another room. To me thiswas a good sign. The rocks, walls andfloors were all the “regular” cave type and I felt if we continued on we wouldbe at least making progress in a new direction in which we hadn’t already trieda dozen times. But, as before, we wereup against another leap of faith. Wewould have to slide down a steep clay slope into a room where we would not seethe bottom. I told Curt that I felt wecould survive the slide without any more pain than the previous leap of faith,and if we needed to get back up we could dig out foot steps in the steep claywall and possibly make our way back up. Curt said that one leap of faith was enough and he was unsure aboutanother. He said that if we could makeit back to the collapse dome that he would like to try his hole he had foundbefore we risked a leap of no return. Since this new cave system seemed to be headed deeper and we were tryingto work towards the surface, we both agreed to head back. We just needed to jump 20 feet back up intothe mud room.

When we reached the back wall, we were faced with avertical climb of only 20 some feet, but the wall was mostly smooth and theredidn’t seem to be any hand or footholds. There was a rock sticking out about five inches, 15 feet up, but even ifI could get Curt up there or my shoulders there would be no way for him to liftme up hanging onto a five inch rock. There was, however, an indentation to the left and a crack to the rightjust big enough to get my fingers in. Since the indentation for my feet and the crack for my hands were aboutsix feet apart, I had to very slowly work my way up with my body in ahorizontal position until I could place one of my feet on the rock that stuckout about 15 feet up. After falling twoor three times, I had just about had enough when I tried a differentapproach. With my back to the wall anddoing the splits to the point I felt my pelvic bone would break, I managed toinch my way up with Curt’s help. Once Iinched my way to the rock 15 feet up, I could then pull myself up to stand onit and pull myself up into the mud room. That was a long and painful trip back up a leap of faith.

Curt came next. He made it in one try. It must have been my coaching. Ha, more like learning from my mistakes.

Now we were back in the mud room and crossed the beam anddown and through the maze of water chasms back to the junction where werested. We had no trouble fallingasleep, but we did have trouble waking up. I woke up and couldn’t move from the hypothermia that had set in to ourmuscles. I had to talk Curt awake. I would have feared he was dead if I hadn’theard his shaky voice telling me that he couldn’t move.

That’s when I broke prison rule #1. Never spoon another man. I told him that we had to be in the spoonposition and try to warm each other up. We held on to each other and tried to absorb each others body heat,rubbing arms and hands to get the blood flowing. Within a few minutes we were able to stand upin a hunched over position as the deep shaking of our stomach muscles shook to tryand warm our body temperature.

“So, how do you like caving now?” I asked him. His unintelligible chattering teeth clatteredback nonsense. “We need to walk back andforth, jump up and down and warm our body temperature,” I said. We paced backand forth silently until we could stand up straight. We were both still shaking uncontrollably butstarted moving as that was the only way to warm up. We headed out to the collapse dome and up thesteep wall to the left, to the hole Curt had found earlier.

The entrance was a narrow crack maybe ten inches tall by 24inches wide and eight to ten feet long before it opened up into a larger room. Since it was such a narrow entrance, I suggestedhe check it out first and let me know if it was worth coming in. The narrow part was difficult but descendeddown into the room making it easy to get in.

It was not long until I heard Curt call back that the roomwas not large but had another opening into a larger room and he thought that Ishould join him.

AsI slid down the narrow entrance, the solid rock on top and bottom kept me frombreathing anything but a shallow breath. To make it worse, there was a bump on the floor that made my ribs on myright side crackle as I did my best to expel all air and slide and pull myselfdown. This was definitely not theopening we were looking for as Curt had hoped it would be. I gasped in gratefully, large gulps of air asI pulled myself free from the crushing hold of the rock. I looked over to see Curt about 10 feet up theside wall where there was another hole.

“This is up and could be another way out” he said. “Climb up here and hold my feet so I can geta better look”. I climbed up and pushedhis feet as he pulled his body up with his arms to get a good look into thenext chamber. “Bring me back down” hesaid. It was another chamber of sleepingbats. A good 10 feet tall pyramid ofguano meant lots and lots of bats. Whilethe bats were obviously flying out somewhere, it could have been through asmall crack and was not worth disturbing them.

Curt headed out of the room first wriggling up the narrowcrawl. Even though there were not anyfalling rocks, you don’t wait to be stuck behind someone when you can’t take afull breath. Like I stated before, whenin such a tight squeeze it is usually impossible to back up as your clotheswill bunch up wedging you in to slowly suffocate.

With my head and feet turned sideways, I headed up at asafe distance behind Curt. I soon caughtup as he was having trouble. Slidingdown hill ten feet through a narrow slice in the rock is easy. Moving back up, however, takes the use offingers, arms, legs and feet. Just theflexing of the muscles was causing the passage to be too tight and theadditional effort was causing him to have additional trouble breathing. He said that he was stuck on that bump Imentioned and wanted to come back down and after a fresh breath try again. This unfortunately, was not an option and Icould tell by the frustration in his voice that his panic instincts werestarting to take over. If I could nottalk him calm, he could hyperventilate, suffocate and trap us both. I asked him how close the exit was and hereplied that it was only three or four feet away, that his hands were able toreach the opening, but there was nothing to grab onto. Also, he said that there was nothing to presshis feet against and if he tried to press forward with his elbows, his chestwould expand and cause him to be stuck more. He was unsure how or why he was stuck, when he was so easily able toslide down. But that was exactly thehard lesson we were now learning, that to slide down an opening as tight thatyou had to let the air out of your chest would be unwise as it would take somechest expansion and much more effort going back out as you can’t slide up ahill no matter how smooth the slide.

There was only one option I could see. That was for me to move up close to him andlet him use me for his footing. I toldhim to spread his knees as far as he could like swimming the frog-stroke and Iwould move up and holding his feet he should be able to push his way forwardout of the hole using only his feet. Ibecame some what worried as to how I would get out, but did not express it atthat time. Curt was relaying to me thatthe bump in the smooth rock was causing him pain and he was having more andmore difficulty breathing. I explainedthat because your heart and pancreas are located on the left side of yourbreastbone, there was less room to flatten your chest and get over that bumpthat was now on our left side. Unfortunately,there was no way around this bump. On the count of three, I took as deep of abreath as I could to wedge myself in between the crack and to give Curt theleverage he needed to use his feet against my hands to get out. After a few seconds which seemed forever, hewas past the bump and able to pull himself out of the hole.

As I lay there listening to him catch his breath, I beganto ponder a solution as to how I would escape this crag. I knew that if the lump was painful for himthat it would be near impossible for me. I thought about trying to go back down and then head uphill backwards,pushing with my hands to keep the bump on my right ribs but the path was toosteep and there was no backing up. Itold Curt to stay put until I got out and I began to inch my way up the narrowslope. There was nothing to use as ahandhold or a foot hold so I made my way using my stomach muscles like a snake. I would pull my stomach up an inch thanlet the air out of my chest and press my stomach against the floor to pushforward.

This worked ok until I came up to that bump in the rock. There was no way to avoid it. It would press directly on my sternum or onmy ribs just to the left of center. I pushedand pulled and tried with no success. The path seemed impassible but there was only one choice, to move on nomatter the cost.

I had begun to notice the pounding of my heart in my headhad decreased and that the pressure from the lump was causing my heart topulsate rapidly. I knew the feeling of aheart that was about to explode from pressure as a humane way to finish off arabbit or a bird while hunting. I toldCurt that it was an emergency to get me out. I could black out at any second due to lack of blood flow and that myheart could pop like so many of the feeder rabbits that I used to kill. I told Curt to brace his feet on the rocks atthe exit, grab my hands and at the count of three and I would let all my airout forcibly. Since I would probably bepassing out he would have to pull me out no matter what. Curt probably weighs 30-40 pounds less thanme, plus I would be dead weight that was also stuck literally between a rockand a hard place. I told him that myribs could break but no matter what noise I made, he had to promise to pull meout or I would exasperate on the spot. Whenready, I took one last small breath using my stomach muscles not my lungs andsaid “Now” as I forcibly pushed all the air out of my chest. I felt the ribs on my left side separate fromthe cartilage on my sternum and felt and heard several loud cracks.

It took everything and more for Curt to pull me out. He had to pull so hard that he dislocated hisshoulder pulling me out.

I felt something new at this point, as I sat leaningagainst the edge of the hole. As I relaxed against that wall, as I felt thepain of a newly freed heart beating like thunder against the inside walls of mybroken ribs, as my body shook violently (this time from shock not dehydration),as I gasped in painful gulps of air ; I felt hopelessness ; I felt defeated.

Up to this point, no matter how desperate the question, Iwas always able to answer Curt’s questions with faith and hope and experiencethat this was a normal situation. That Ihad been this way and felt this way, in caving adventures, a hundred timesbefore.

I don’t know how long we sat there silent, trying to getpast the realization that the rest of our journey would be accompanied with thepain of our injuries. I thought mostlyof how foolish I had been to have made a mistake that not only could have costmy life, but one that had also changed me from guiding my brother in anadventure, to just a partner in a duel with a mountain that was now gaining anadvantage in this game of live or die.

When the silence was finally broken, it was Curt who asked“Are you ok? “. I tried to control theshakiness of my voice as I leaned my head against the wall, closed my eyes tothe mountain above and simply said “No”.

“What about you?” I asked. Curt said that he had dislocated his shoulderwhen he was pulling me out. He was trying to push it back in and I told him tostop, that he was doing it wrong and could damage his socket. I told him how he needed to put his right fiston his chin and using his left hand, push his right elbow up and over his head.After a couple of tries it popped back into place.

I tried to come up with something positive to say, butnothing said could quite motivate either of us to want to move on. I asked him if he was feeling better. He said that he was fine. Fine?? All I could think about was the acronym ofFreaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. Yeah, we were both feelingF.I.N.E.. I stood up and tested theability of my broken lungs. Actuallyribs were all that were broken, but it was my lungs that took the beating. One thing that made it somewhat easier is thehyperventilating type of breathing that you have to do in a cave. Between the exhaustion and especially the100% humidity our lungs were filling full of fluid from the moist air that wewere breathing in. We breathed in shortsteady gasps using our diaphragms as if our lungs were being pumped by ourstomachs and not our chests. Besides thepain, a deep breath would cause us to cough, gagging on the fluids built up inour lungs. This pneumonia like affectwould last a few days after any humid cave adventure.

At this point we didn’t want to move, but we also did notwant to stay. We decided to rest beforewe ventured further and we felt most comfortable resting at the junction.

I am not sure why at this point that we always felt safestat the junction. I think that we knew wehad the most options from that point and it was a good starting spot. We both felt for some reason that if we couldchoose the right path from the junction, we would find our path out.

As we lay down on our resting spot, we lay on our sides, Iraised my knees and wrapped my arms around my brother knowing that the rest weneeded could also be our death from hypothermia. It was almost involuntary action to hold himtight as my muscles shook from dehydration and hypothermia. Soon our bodies would warm each other and theshaking would subside in our stomachs allowing us to drift off into death’sslumber. Before we drifted off I toldCurt that I was sorry; that I never intended or even expected us to getlost. He wasn’t overly concerned aboutbeing lost yet but asked if we could just stay there and rest until helparrived. He knew that both our wives wouldstart worrying by Sunday night and send out a rescue party. He thought that it would be best to rest hereuntil help arrived. “Wish-full thinking” I said. For one thing, we were not in the main cavesystem. There was little chance theycould find the small hole we had entered without a dog and no dog larger than adash-hound would be able to make its way to us. We had to face the fact that we were more thantwo miles from the normal cave system and in an area only one other person hadbeen in and that was long before. “No one will find us” I said. It was definitely up to us to escape.

Knowing that we would be disorientated by the hypothermiawhen we woke up, we decided to head through the water canyons to the mud room,take that second leap of faith and see if we could make any progress thatway. All other ways had been explored todead ends.

Here we lay ourselves to sleep and quietly prayed for theLord to keep, to wake us with our minds bright, and lead us to our exitlight.

I am not sure how long we slept, probably only 15-20minutes.

Long enough for the heat wegave each other to have dried out the moisture in our chests and backs. Not too long though.

I literally shook myself awake from hypothermia. My arms and legs were still wet and mymuscles seemed frozen as I tried to move my hands to Curt’s shoulder so I couldwake him. It seemed that several minuteswent by before he started to move. I wasworried that he had passed away in his sleep. My hands were too shaky to check for his pulse and the haze in my minddid not allow me to recognize any movement from breathing. His breathing and heartbeat were undetectableto me. I took both my hand and clenched my frozenfingers to a fist and pounded him on the back calling his name. “Curt, Curtis,wake up Curt.” “I need you to wake upnow.”

With more of a low groan then a verbal reply he told me toleave him alone, that he wanted to rest just a little longer. I told him that his mind was playing trickson him and that if he did not wake up, he would die and he would not see hiswife, Mandy or his daughter, Dakotah.

I’m not sure if he understood what I was saying or if myrelentless pounding was what finally woke him but I was able to get him to situp. He sat there in a daze and said thathe was having trouble seeing again. Besides the mental haze that we both suffering from, Curt also hadcontacts in that were clouded from two days without eye-drops and from thehumid condition.

By this time I was on my feet trying to stay up-right on myshaky legs. I reminded him that we both agreed beforegoing to sleep that we would go through the mud room to the other cave systemand that to keep our minds clear we could not change our plans. I toldhim to stand up. That we would have tostay standing up, shaking until we could walk without falling and then we wouldwalk in circles back and forth in the junction room until our minds were clearand the exertion had let the blood flow back into our arms and legs so that wecould continue on.

After a few minutes of stumbling around our junction room,it was time to work up a sweat and head toward the only area we had not fullyexplored. I said that I would lead as Icould tell he was still in a fog. “Comeon. We have to stay moving. I know you are tired” I said to him as weheaded once more to the water channel maze which we had almost memorized bythis time. Truth be told I don’t knowthat he was any more tired than I was at that point. All I know for sure is that we almost didn’twake up that last time and that our time was running out.

We made it through the maze of water channels, up to themud room, across the mud log and back around to our first leap of faith we hadtaken before. I was worried that thistime our strength had been depleted enough that we would not be able to climbback up this one, let alone the next one.

Well, we came to the spot that we had both agreed not totake hours or days earlier because it was a long clay slide and it wouldprobably be too steep to climb back up. Wecould not see the bottom either. I toldhim to control his decent by lying on his back with his arms and legs spreadapart, that his pounds per square inch would be less this way. If you sit up and try to stop with your feet,as your instincts tell you to do, then all your weight is placed on your buttand the heel of your shoes giving gravity the luxury of less friction, to pullyou to the bottom, which at this point neither of us could see.

I still had my bowie knife and I assured him that we couldcut steps into the clay to get back up if we needed. “Ready?” I asked. With nothing further to say, we bothinstinctively took in deep breaths and began our blind slide down. Good news is that the clay slide only lastedaround 30 feet; bad news is that we couldn’t see the bottom from the topbecause of the straight drop off at the bottom that we could only see as ablack shadow.

We both hit bottom at about the same time and wereinstantly reminded of our earlier injuries. Holding my ribs with my right hand, I rolled over to see how far we hadfallen. It felt like thirty feet, butwas luckily only around ten to twelve feet. Do-able if we needed to climb back up. We quickly gathered our wits and looked around. We were both excited to see that the floor inthis area was made up of all small rocks. I hoped that they were river pebbles and that we could follow this dryriver bed out of the cave. Unfortunately, after a couple of hundred yards, we came upon anotherdead end.

Dead would be the appropriate word if we were to takeanother leap of faith. The wall wasdirectly in front of us as we came up to an opening to our right. The opening was a vast, seemingly bottomlesspit. On better days and only by myself,I may have looked for a way down to unseen depths below but we were in no shapeto make such a difficult climb. Pluseven if this could turn into a way out, we wanted to go up and out. This wasnot up and was way, way down.

Exhausted beyond measure, we said nothing as we turnedaround to head back. I remember lookingdown that abyss and feeling the mountain as if it was saying “Check” in a gameof chess. It was undeniable, and theheaviness of my heart felt the nagging pull of helplessness. I was not afraid but we needed more thancourage to proceed. We had toconcentrate on our families at home waiting. I imagined their worry of safe return to be worse than ours and feltcompelled to ease their burden not mine. Courage is not the absence of fear but the strength to overcome thatfear and move on. This time fear wasembraced as a will to survive. The pushfrom the darkness behind to take one more step. One step at a time, one step towardshome.

When we finally made it back to the junction, it was onlymet with total exhaustion and the mind numbing blur that this was probably theend of the line.

We had managed to make it up both of our “leaps of faith”with each others help. The climbs were near impossible with our injuries andfatigue. We had drank water from thebottom of one of the water chasms but we were sweating so much from exertionthat we were steaming more water than we could take in. At the junction we collapsed on our restingspot unable to move any further. We hadexplored and re-explored all areas enough that we felt the only way out was throughthe collapse dome.

Our escape had to be in the collapse dome also, becauseneither of us had the energy to travel to the other areas again. Death’s slumber was upon us and we could donothing but rest if we were to have any chance of survival. By this time we hadbeen in each area six or more times and had come back to rest. One definition of insanity is trying the samething over and over and getting the same result, but expecting another outcome.

This time as we curled up, we knew it would probably be ourlast. As our pulses began to slow weseemed only able to talk in whispers. Itold Curt again just how sorry I was. Hesaid that he placed no blame on me and that if this was his time to go, thathis heart was ready and eager to meet his Lord and Savior. Curt asked if I was sure that Heaven was mynext step also. I said, “Yes”. I explained again how in the cave I am always100% sure. I reminded him of my thoughtsand asked him if his were the same; that while in the cave I am in constant aweof the Great Creator and it is the one place where I felt totally in tune withthe Spirit. That in the cave Iunderstand the term “praying without ceasing”. That in the cave I am in constant, silent prayer. Even my short breaths breathe in and out tothe tune of the hymns of old; Mostly “Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty”. Not a step is taken without a silent “Thankyou” to God for the last step.

It was at this point that I believe Curt finally gave in tothe fact that we were in a real death situation. He mentioned that he had been holding on tothe hope that I had known where the exit was all along and that I just wantedto give him a “total” caving adventure and would now say that it was all a testand show him the way out. He didn’t knowand could not imagine how bad I would have wanted that to be true also.

Our worries at this time were not for us, but for ourfamilies. We talked about how our wiveswould react. The denial of our deathwould be the hardest for them to overcome. How could they give up on us if our bodieswere never found? We discussed our lackof anger and emotion. We were overcome with an overwhelming sense of peace,that somehow this was God’s will. Wejust couldn’t understand what benefit or lesson God could use to benefit ourfamilies. Our families on both sideswere of strong Christian backgrounds. Our father and brother were pastors, our families were Christians, plushow could it be God’s will to take two sons when He had plenty of previousopportunities to take mine. If I died,it would be my life taken while doing something I loved. I accepted the risk of caving. Why would He want my brother also?

I learned from the Bible in the book of Job that the mostimportant thing to say and truly believe that it is God’s will to be done, notours. I told Curt in a whisper “To Himbe all glory and praise.” Curt said thathe wanted us both to pray out loud, and he began to pray. I listened to his prayer as he said “Lord, weneed your help. We are lost and cannotfind our way. Our energy and hope havedepleted. We have tried every avenue,but cannot find our way. Without youthere is no hope. Please light our pathand show us the way. It is in You thatwe place our hope and trust. Show us theway and give us the strength to take your path. Thy will be done.”

Curt then said I should also pray. I told him that I had no fancy words, but thatI had a prayer that I prayed every day. He wanted to hear it, so I prayed my simpleprayer I had memorized. “Dear Lord, pleaseforgive me for everything I’ve done against your will up to this very second. I’m sorry for my sins. Please help me live a life that is honorableto You. Help me to shine like Joseph inthe workplace and please help me stand out like Joshua at home.” Then I added “No matter what the outcome,toYou be

all glory, honor andpraise.” It was silent for a moment as Ifought the lump in my throat as I said “Please take care of my family”.

Curt asked if I would pray the “Lord’s prayer” with him sowe recited together: “Our Father, who art in Heaven, Hollowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earthas it is in Heaven. Give us this day ourdaily bread, and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliverus from evil. For Thine is the kingdom,and the power and the glory forever. Amen”.

It is amazing how each sentence seemed to apply even to oursituation. We felt alone. His will would be done. What we wouldn’t give for a simple piece ofbread. Deliver us from evil. On Earth,In Earth? Our only hope was in thephysical salvation of Jesus Christ. OnlyHe could show us the way.

Curt said that he had a secret that he might as well tellme since this seemed to be our end. Hetold me that his wife, Mandy was pregnant. That they were going to wait three months atleast before the announcement as she had previously miscarried and had lost thelast child. We felt some comfort inknowing we would see our families again, even if it was to be in Heaven.

We talked about what options our two families would have tosurvive. All of our parents would besupportive enough to take them in. Ieven thought that with Paula’s two degrees, she could work and Mandy couldwatch the kids. Either way they wouldprobably end up closer to family, but could become good friends as aresult. Somehow we knew that if this wasGod’s will; that He would provide a solution.

“Just be quiet and rest now” I said. We were both too tired to even talk. “It won’t hurt, we will just go to sleep” Isaid to him. He grabbed my hands andheld them close to his chest. My chestshook from a couple of silent sobs, but was covered up by the shakes. My body was too dehydrated to shed a tear. Tears were not necessary though for we hadbeen given the gift of peace, and peacefully we went to sleep.

Or so I thought. Curt stayed awake mentally enough to keeppraying.

These are his words from aletter he wrote our parents:

“That is when I began topray. Pray for peace; pray for help;just pray for a way out.

Not too many people cansay that they have ever had a time in their life when they knew, beyond ashadow of a doubt, that they were going to die. I have. We both had given in to the fact thatwe were going to die down there, but we may as well keep moving and going aslong as we possibly could.

If you remember, wedidn’t have our packs of food, water or emergency blankets with us. We were licking water off of rocks just to wetour throats. Yet through it all there was a peaceful feeling in my soul.

Even when I thought wewould surely die, I knew God was in control. You know the Bible says, ‘Ask, andit shall be given unto you’. Do you knowhow unrealistic that is? If you were toask for a cheeseburger, would you get it? Not unless you were driving to that fast food joint yourself with moneyin your pocket. If we are not in theright line with God our prayers will seem to be unanswered. So how do we get in the ‘right line’ with God?

I found two things inthe dark that made me calm. One was a story of a man at the bottom of a ladderthat leads to Heaven with Jesus sitting at the top. Jesus looks down and says, “Come to me, butyou can’t use the ladder.” The man sitsdown and for years does nothing, but thinks through all of the world’sknowledge of flight, religions, etc.., anything that we know on earth to tryand figure out how to do this. Finally,in utter frustration, he throws up his hands and says, “I can’t do it!” At that very moment, Jesus reached down andsaid, “That’s it!” and brings him up. The point was WE are nothing. Weare pointless. We can’t do it. There is no power in ourselves. Yet, there is a power in God that can movemountains. When we realize that it isnot US showing people God that we reflect Jesus like the moon reflects the sun,only then will people be changed. “Notby works that any man should boast…”

The second thing that Ifound was this: We don’t ask right. Once we have given all to Jesus we then areprepared to ask. What does the Biblesay? “Ask in the name of the Lord JesusChrist…” We can’t go near God. We have no right to ask anything of God. But through the High Priest and Mediator JesusChrist, who we can hide behind, we can go into the Father’s presence and askall things.

I thought of these whilein the cave that we thought was our tomb.

Isn’t that ironic onGod? As if to say “Give it to ME and letME show you how to get out. That way youcan glorify ME and not yourself.

The next time when wewent to rest, for five minutes or more I kept repeating, “In the name of theLord Jesus Christ, show us the way out” – over and over, again and again.

At one point, when I waspraying down there, my brother said, “You realize, greater men than us haveasked for a miracle and not gotten one.” So why would God choose to hear our prayers?

This one thing, Iknow: when life has you down, think – “Iam alive!” I know I will because I haveseen death and felt its talons gripping my life. I have watched as the life drained from mybody. I once was dead, but now I amresurrected! To what reason and for whatpurpose is for God to know and to reveal to me in His time. Until then, I will tell the world of Him, andthe mighty, marvelous and miraculous power of prayer.”

Soon after, he was calling my name. I woke and sat up in a daze. I wasn’t sure if we were dead or alive. We agreed to try one more, small trip intothe collapse dome. We got up, stumbledaround, but couldn’t move enough to walk more than 15 to 20 feet before givingup. We couldn’t stay alert enough toknow which direction to go and were worried about looking our way even 20 feetback to our resting spot. We were at neartotal mental breakdown. We couldn’t keepa thought long enough to even complete a single sentence. All we could do is look at each other in thedim haze of our run down LED lamps and say “what?” and “I don’t know.” I would try to say something, but could onlymumble unintelligible sounds not remembering what I intended to say. With no mental or physical stamina westumbled back to lie down. This time weboth slept.

Sometime after, I heard a voice as of wind whispering myname and felt someone behind me grasping my ribs. I could not move as I was at first frozen byfear. I asked “What is your name and whosent you?” What seemed to be a femalevoice answered “I am Wendigo and I am here to help”. “Great,” I said and I turned to look at thisgift of God.

When I saw her, I recognized her not by sight, but byremembrance of a prior meeting when she held me back from saving a cousin fromher clutches, as a young 9 year old drowned, in a lake years earlier.

This creature, angel or spirit, had features strange tobehold. I could see right through herand yet she was solid, made of crystal ice or glass. The robe she wore waved as if blowing in astrong breeze, as did her hair, but the ends of her robe crinkled and crumbled,falling to the floor, although never getting any shorter. She was cold as ice, but seemed more likeclear water glass that flowed down to the floor in constant motion. She had black eyes, but a calm face.

Without voicing my question, she answered “Like withJessica, I am here to ease the suffering and give Curt a peaceful death.” “What?” I shrieked. “Not Curt, take me instead, take both ofus. Better yet show us the wayout.” “I’m only here for Curt. His strength is depleted,” she said.

She had hands, but her fingers were like long shards ofglass. She put her hands through me andwas reaching into Curt when I yelled “NO!” “You will not take him without taking me. I will not go home to give Mandy thisnews.” She said, “But it is not yourtime.” I grabbed her hands argued withher, wrestling her glass, knife like fingers away from Curt. She was immovable as rock and she never lostthe calmness of her voice.

She said: “Death isinevitable, we all die. All that you areand all that you have done is culminated in your death. You have been fortunate enough to have someprior warning to become more truly who you are. If you can see death as a friendly companion on your life’s journey, youwill not want to wait until tomorrow.”

I said: “I recognize youand feel your comforting folds of friendship. We have had many adventures together and I am better for it. I have learned to tune out life as most knowit. I have taken further notice in thebudding of spring leaves, I wonder at the beauty of the sun rising each morningand night. Only in embracing you as myfriend and companion have I learned to appreciate life.”

She said: “Curt is coping wellwith his own approaching death. You mustresolve the crisis of his dying in a dignified way.”

I said: “Curt and I haveshared our “secret” fears and joys. Itis in our faith that we found something in common. Our faith in God is the wondrous ingredientthat, in sharing, gave us the realization of our own humanness. We want to live and have something to showGod, that we have not wasted our lives. You cannot take him without explaining why.”

She said: “Everyone mustdie. The only reason it is hard to die,even when you have accepted death as reality, is because you can’t see beyond,and find it hard to give up life on earth.

I said: I am findingdifficulty coping with the fact that we are both dying and yet you are here forhim and not us both.

She said: It was your choiceto take this adventure to commune with natures’ Creator. I know you will feel insecure and alone withoutCurt. Just admit that you care. You mayask why, but we don’t give answers.

I said: Wait! Don’t go away, all I want to know is that youwill be here for me when I need you. Iam afraid. Death may be routine to you but it is new to me. I have come close enough before to know of youbut this time is unique. I don’t want todie alone. I don’t want either of us todie. Give us another chance.

She said: Everyone must die. Human mortality cannot be denied. Death is not the end, but a transition fromyour human state to another.

I said: In faith, I knowthat Curt and I are ready to transcend. Itis our families with which we are concerned.

She said: Death is the naturalend of human existence. It comesinevitably and is accepted at the decree of the Eternal and Righteous Judge. It is the end of one stage and the beginningof another. These last moments beforedeath help you affirm your faith in God precisely when it is most challenged.Death’s journey is the most mysterious and unknown experience a human willexperience in life. I am only here tocomfort you as you share in Curt’s vigil.

I said: I can see Curtdying. I can feel myself dying. I can deal with that. How can my family come to terms with ourdeaths if our bodies are never found? Itwill be hard for them to accept the reality of our deaths.

Dying is easy,living is hard. I am willing to take thehard road. Let me have the opportunityto live. Where is MY choice? I accept God’s judgment. I hear you speak, but why is my voice notbeing heard?

(Iwas fighting back the tears. Not becauseI was afraid to cry, but because if I did cry, it would make death real. I was not ready to say good-by. Death andgrief can be our curse or our glory depending on how we choose to handle it. I understood that what was happening wassupposed to happen. This death angel kept reminding me of that. Such helplessness I have never felt at anyother time. When this Wendigo said again that it was Curt’s time, we both wept,Wendigo and I.

Wekept talking, this death angel and I, we stared, we talked, and we shared. Mostof all she took the time to help me though my shock and disbelief as I beganthe emotional acceptance of what was happening. I had to come to grips with the reality of hisdeath.)

I said: When will you letCurt die?

She said: I don’t want him todie but He has already decided.

I said: I cannot denyGod, and intellectually I understand, but emotionally I deny it. It is tragic, horrible and unwanted.

She said: You have been givenpeacefulness and comfort. What more canbe given?

I said: I will not accepthis death as justified. I see no purposeserved. I can’t handle the guilt of hisdeath. The shame of bringing him on my adventure, and then to have his death onmy hands. So quickly I learned to lovehim and want him to live, only to be faced with his death.

She said: Only God knows why. He is the Righteous Judge. Experiencing this grief is wearing but it isalso enriching and fulfilling. Some ofthe most beautiful people are those who have suffered and known defeat. To haveknown loss and to have found their way out of the depths and the nooks andcrannies of life’s experiences gives those people a new appreciation andunderstanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deeploving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

I said: You speak as if Iam to understand my family’s loss. Am Inow to die also?

She said: Growth comes in manyways. If there is love, there is love inlife as well as in death. If we chooseto love, we must also have the courage to grieve.

I said: Why him? Why not me?

She said: Death follows nopredictable timetable, but chooses its own time and place.

I said: I don’tunderstand why this is happening to me, but it is out of your comfort and yourtears that I have found beauty in death. I am just not ready to let go. This can’t be true. There has to be hope. I won’t give up now.

She said: There IS hope inChrist. Don’t give up now. Think of this experience and what you havegained.

I said: Let go of me. I can’t take this pain. I’m tired of fighting.

She said: If you are tired offighting then there is no more hope, and I will have to let you go.

I said: Not yet. I don’twant to be alone. If it has to be histime, then don’t let him suffer. He is too young to die.

She said: Who is to know whenit is the right time to die?

I said: I feel so angry. For some unknown reason it is his timeand not mine. I do not know why. I don’t want to disappoint him. I want to be strong for him but his death istoo much for me to comprehend.

She said: Will you forgeahead?

I said: I will dowhatever I can to the best of my ability. I will not give up. I can accept the fact that I will die, but Icannot accept the fact that he could die at such an early age. Even if he has accomplished his goals, Icannot let him go, even if there is not much hope. Give me the courage and strength to make thisfinal journey with dignity and let me try to find a way out. Dear God, pleasehelp me find the way. (I never thoughtthat she would show the way)

She said: Stand up on yourfeet. If you stand up on your feet, youwill not fall on your face.

I said: I can’t, I amtrying to. But my legs will not move.

She said: Tell them to move! Never mind the rocks and stones; I have a holdof you. Come on Chris, you can do it. Wake up!

She finally pulled herhands out of me and backed up. She ever so softly said over and over again asshe drifted away; “Ok Chris, if you want to live, wake up. Chris, you need towake up now. Come on, wake up,,,, wake up”,,,,,,

The helping spirit wasgone, but something was tugging at my arm. It was Curt! He was standing at my feet,pulling on my arm saying “Chris, wake up, come on, you have to wake up now.”

“I thought you weredead,” he said, as I tried to decipher dream from reality.

I stumbled to my feetas he helped steady me as my legs seemed to be made of rubber. He said that he didn’t think we were going towake up and we needed to move around to get our blood circulating. Even with his concern, he had no idea just howclose to death he came.

I rose to my feet andstumbled around enough to become somewhat alert, but by then we were so tiredthat we both just sat down.

As I sat down, therewas a light bluish glow reflecting off a grey rock about twenty feet down anarrow hallway that led to the collapse dome. Although my headlamp was on, the refectionseemed to stay, even if I turned the light away. Curt was having trouble seeing again and Itold him to stay put, that I was going to check something out and would beright back.

As I headed down thehallway to the collapse dome, I knew for sure that we had tried this path atleast a dozen times before, but I had never seen this rock shine blue. The rock stood three feet tall and four foot wide,and at eight inches thick reminded me of a tombstone the way the front wasshining. All of the other rocks in thecollapse dome were different shades of brown. Even in my weak mental state, I knew this rockhad not previously been there as this was the same pathway Curt and I had takenso many times to the collapse dome room and was also the path taken through thecollapse dome room to the waterfall room. We had taken this path dozens of times. This rock that was not in my memory was nowblocking the normal path as if it had fallen from the ceiling, which would nothave happened as this hallway was only ten foot tall and five-six feetwide. It could have fallen from the roofof the collapse dome and then rolled down here, but it was standing upright andwas imbedded into the floor. Out ofcuriosity, I tried moving it but it would not budge. There were small rocks littered around thebase as if it had always been there. Inmy current mental state, I could dismiss my memory to be in error, but my mindseemed clear, and I remembered nearly every other rock and feature from ourmany times of passing through that hallway from the junction to explore boththe collapse dome and the waterfall room.

No matter whether the rock had been there or not, it didnot explain the blue luminescent glow emitting from the rocks’ face that hadfirst got my attention. I got back to basics and sat down in front ofthis curious illuminating oddity to discover the source of the bluish haze.

There was a coating of blue luminescent powder on the rockface. I turned my headlamp, but it stillglowed. I rubbed the front of the rock in disbelief asthe powder brushed off the rock landing on the ground. There was not enough to pick up andsave. It just seemed to disappear. I left some of the blue, luminescent powderon the front of the rock to show Curt to make sure I wasn’t the only one to seeit and moved around to the back side to see if this bluish haze was also on theback.

My feet rested down a small crevice, allowing me to sit ina comfortable position, as I checked the back of the rock. I found no otherblue luminescent powder. I wanted Curtto see this conundrum to hopefully raise his curiosity as it had mine. Curiosity is also the mother of adrenaline aswell as invention. Perhaps the angel hadbeen right and this mystery could be the awakening of our spirits that wouldallow us to see clearly.

There were previously four times that I had thought we wouldnot wake up from our rest. I knew thatif I could get Curt to move that it would be our very last chance. I said a simple prayer for guidance. I always say that I will try never to prayfor silver or gold, but only for guidance, so that in times of need I may befound worthy of my request. I prayed forguidance and guidance I had been given, as I would soon find out.

I thought of Curt’s prayers earlier and how I listened tohim asking of God to open our eyes. Thatwe knew we were in the right place, but felt that for some reason our path hadbeen hidden from us. That there wasnothing we ourselves could do, but with prayer for guidance, God could lightthe path, and show us our way home. Itis amazing just how true this proved to be. The glowing rock that appeared out of nowhere and the angelic spiritthat told me to wake up and move, that a path would be laid out for me, butmost of all that we had to humble ourselves to deaths embrace in order to begiven our guidance.

As I struggled to stand up and go rouse Curt, my feetknocked loose rocks that rattled down the crevice my feet had been restingin. Although this just looked to be aspace between two large boulders, the small rocks fell out of sight. The rock furthest from me was covering a holethat could not be seen from above, but only by sticking my head down betweenthe two rocks that I was sitting on. Iremember coming out of the small long crawl in an upward way between two rocks,but did not realize the effect of the camouflaging, the rocks surrounding thecrevice had used, to hide this exit. Thecrevice between the rocks was maybe twelve inches at most, but shining myflashlight, while lying on the ground, with my head stuck down in that crack, Icould see that although narrow, it did continue on.

The small crawlway also matched my memory of the sharpangle at which we originally had entered the collapse dome. Although my mindand body were too weary to show my enthusiasm, my eyes had been opened and myheart beat out in faith and gratitude to the One true Light that granted ourprayers for guidance.

As I approached thepile of pebbles which had been our resting spot so many times before, I sawCurt, lying on his side, curled up motionless on the mound. He was shiveringviolently from everything; hypothermia, exhaustion, dehydration, muscle fatiguebut he was alive. Curt looked at me, but was unable to speak. I leaned over andmade eye contact with him and told him that I thought I had found our path. Hemay have felt hope for me, but he told me later as he warmed up that he thoughthis time had come.

I was warmed up from my activity and curled around him totry to warm him back to full consciousness. I couldn’t help but wonder if Iwould be able to rouse him. The angel had given us another chance, but I hadgone on alone. I couldn’t help but to think of “sweater man” in another upperpart of the main cave. There was a ledge that was very difficult to reach, buton this ledge there were what appeared to be the remains of a man. Nothing but a pile of calcium dust and anempty sweater. I wondered what our bodies would look like, frozen in time,holding one another as we tried to stay warm, most likely never to be found. I made sure to stay awake as I let his bodyabsorb my extra heat. I whispered enthusiasm and faith and hope into his ear ashe slowly became more alert. There were no great words of courage emitting frommy mouth. No military-like pitches of “On your feet soldier” or “LET’S MOVE”. Just the quiet calming effect given by theHoly Spirit and the sentence that I could not keep my mind, soul and tonguefrom proclaiming. “Trust in the Lord, always, and lean not unto your ownunderstanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and He shall direct yourpath.”

There was no doubt in my mind that this path was given tous in a supernatural way. My only doubt was as to whether this path that Godhad given to us was to lead us to freedom from the cave as an exit, or as apath to our final resting place. Either way we were at peace knowing that sincewe had no energy to walk twenty feet, let alone a two mile crawl, that we wereheld in the comfort of our Creator’s hands and we would follow the guidance Hehad given.

There are no words that could begin to describe the peacethat we felt, wrapped up, totally encompassed by the Holy Spirit. I asked Curtagain if he could also feel the comforting presence of the Holy Spirit. He said“Yes, totally”. Silently I tried to dealwith the guilt that I may still be walking my brother to his final restingplace. God’s will or not, I still felt responsible for this adventure.

Our last conversation before leaving our resting spot inthis junction room for the final time was of our new understanding of the“fruits” of the Holy Spirit. The Bible says the fruits are “Love, Joy, Peace,Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faith, Gentleness and Self control. Each one ofthese “fruits” is so similar that it can be difficult to tell the difference,but we could understand now that each one, while similar, represented emotionsand feelings distinctly different from the other. It made sense now why the Bible broke it downindividually.

LOVE: We learned thatbeyond the love for our wives and our children, there was love for our HeavenlyFather and a brotherly love that I know I had never experienced before.

JOY: There is joy insalvation, there was joy in our memories of our children’s innocent faces andeven joy in knowing and accepting death as the end of our adventure. Joyunspeakable.

PEACE: Peace was the most predominate fruit we experienced as allworries were placed in the Father’s hands, knowing that no matter the outcome,He would stay with us and our families as we were locked into His will.

PATIENCE: We learnedpatience as we waited to die each time we had exhausted all hope and energy. Welearned to be patient in faith that God would give us guidance, even whilerunning into so many dead ends.

KINDNESS: I will never forget the kindness my brother showed me as hecontinually placed no blame on me when I expressed my guilt for taking him onan adventure that would end in his death as we both believed to be the case,time after time.

GOODNESS: No matter what they were, our past sins were forgiven, and wefelt whole. Goodness was of a giving perspective also as we gave each othercomfort each time death approached us. The goodness of our souls, cleansed bysalvation, and the goodness that we knew would give our families peace if wedid not survive gave us relief if we did not survive.

FAITH: We never lost faithin God, even as we gave up on life so many times. It was in faith alone that weentrusted God to be the only answer in our quest for a path out. I faith alonewe knew that God’s will would be done and our families would be protected, nomatter the outcome.

GENTLENESS: Although every inchof our bodies were in pain, there was gentleness like a cushion given each timewe laid down. It was as if in resting the rocks would form to our bodies shape,giving us temporary ease of pain. I was amazed at the gentleness of mybrother’s spirit as he held on to my arm and held it close as we rested. Thatgentle touch, I needed to know that he did not blame me. He trusted me as muchas a lamb unto the slaughter.

SELF CONTROL: We neverlost ourselves mentally to fear or panic. We were never even emotional. We werenever overcome by a selfish desire to live. We were given self control over ourphysical capabilities to continue each time, to get up once more, and takeanother path and try again.

With these “fruits” we rose from our resting place at thejunction with our eyes opened and tried once more. This time with the knowledgethat even not knowing the outcome, this path was our final answer to ourprayers for guidance. Once again I led my brother on another path. Thedifference this time? The path was notmy own, but was guidance from my normal caving partner. I showed Curt what was shown to me. He to sawthe blue luminescence on the rock and rubbed it in amazement. I showed him the small crevice that was soeasily overlooked as the small pebbles between looked just like floor ruble andthe path could only be shown to him by putting my arm underneath the secondrock. Curt was still weak as sat leaning against the glowing rock. I offered tocheck the path on my own first to let him rest for a few minutes

Entering this crevicewas a difficult task. The crevice was no more than twelve inches wide and nomore than 18 inches deep before turning 90 degrees back to a horizontal tube.To enter, I first sat on the first rock with my feet in the hole as I hadbefore, Then I had to cross my feet so that I could hold myself up with myhands, cross my legs Indian style and lower myself until my knees touchedbottom. Then I moved my knees forward as I lowered my butt to the floor. I satthere for a moment with only my shoulders and head exposed. I rested my arms,crossed over the rock in front of me and told Curt to pray that this would bethe path. Knowing that Curt was silently praying, I stretched my legs out straightand turned my toes upright to check the height. Unfortunately my toes touchedthe top. I put my feet back sideways and wriggled myself down, turning my headsideways to allow space to make the sharp turn.

I just laid there fora while looking up through the crack into the collapse dome. I said a silentprayer of “Please Lord, let this be the right path.” As I thought this prayer,I felt a long smooth breeze drift from my head to my toes as if the mountainitself had breathed a deep sigh of relief. This was all the encouragement Ineeded as even the mountain now seemed to breathe again as if back to life. Amountain does breathe in and out, regulating temperature, and it’s breatheflows from its mouth.

I started down at aslight incline almost 50 feet before I reached an area that I could finally situp in a stooped over position to rest. This path seemed so right in faith andin memory but I still wanted to make sure before calling Curt. I looked up tosee if further travel would require another belly crawl and my headlamp lit upa bright white arrow on the opposite wall just a few feet away!

Looking at this arrow in disbelief, I quickly thanked theLord for His guidance. There it was, a bright whit arrow, painted on the wallpointing towards the collapse dome. I nearly burst as I shouted “Halleluiah”. Idon’t think I have ever shouted that before but it busted out in joyful praise.I thanked the Lord again over and over as I crawled back to Curt saying againand again “To You be all glory honor and praise” for I had not found this path;it had been given to us. I felt physically born again my body and mind flowedwith adrenaline as I headed back to the collapse dome. I still felt rushed withCurt and hoped I would not see death’s angel around Curt again. It was too far to yell so I made my way backup to Curt to tell him of the good news and that our prayers had been answered.

When I reached the small crack entrance to the collapsedome I told Curt that I had found the way out. He was still too weak and heasked me if I was sure. I told him to praise the Lord; I had seen an arrow andfelt the mountain’s breath so “Come on”. After Curt began to move forward towards me I took one last look at thebluish rock, looked towards the dark hallway as said a silent “Thank you to theWendigo, the helping spirit, and headed back down to the arrow to wait forCurt. He yelled down asking how far Iwas and to wait on him. I said that it was not far and to hurry up so I couldshow him the arrow.

When he reached the arrow his tired daze turned to brighteyed hope. Looking back, I was easy to see how we entered the collapse dome andwent straight through the hallway to the junction room and how near impossibleit would have been to have found the crevice we had come out of. To me thehallway, at first, seemed to be a continuation of the long tunnel. It neveroccurred to me that I couldn’t just turn back around and go back the way I hadcome. With renewed bodies and minds, webegan the narrow crawl back.

It had not been more than twenty feet of crawling on ourhands and knees that the mountain reminded us of our injuries, sore muscles andsore bones. With two miles to go we werealready needing to stop and rest. Curtasked if we were going to make it. I told him that we had miles to go andpromises to keep, that I knew we could make it, even if it was one inch at atime. I told him not to think of thepain or the distance, to only think of proceeding one inch at a time. We had too much to loose by giving up. We could rest after each inch or foot ifnecessary, but if we would persist, we would succeed. We could not let failure and doubt enter ourminds. All we could do was pray for thestrength to make the next movement and take the guidance that had been given tous.

For about 100 yards, the roof was three to four feet talland we found that we could scoot forward in a sitting position using our handsand feet to move and receiving the benefit of sitting as we moved. It was not long though that we began to remembermore vividly “the devil’s crawl” as the path’s ceiling lowered and did notraise more than twelve to eighteen inches at the most.

We moved ahead switching from our bellies to our backs asthe pain would become unbearable. I looked back at Curt as we begansqueezing through passage sections too tight to breathe freely and said “Whatwere we thinking?”

Our lungs were so full of fluid from the humid air we hadbeen breathing for so long, that the narrow squeezes seemed impassible. If we had not been 100% sure that this wasour path we would not have even tried to risk such narrow crawls, especiallynow that we were injured. It was thesame as on the way in. The path wouldhave several hundred yards of spots so narrow that our heads and our feet hadto remain in a sideways position. Inthese spots we developed a system of helping each other. The path was smooth, top and bottom, butvaried in an inch here or there. I wasleading and would scoot from left to right, sometimes zigzagging from side toside to move forward. The path variedfrom two-four feet wide. There was nothing to grab a hold of with my fingers soI had to pull forward an inch at a time with my forearms.

Icould barely breathe and my feet would flail out in vain, gaining no advantage. This is where Curt grabbed my feet with hishands, giving me the leverage I needed to move forward to breathe. We were too weak to keep moving further onour own, so our system was in helping each other, inch by inch, by inch. Curt would hold my feet and I would pullforward with my forearms using his hands as leverage until my legs werestraight. Then Curt would grab a hold onto the top of my boots and I would usemy legs to pull him forward. Then wewould repeat the process, over and over giving each other help with each inchof the way.

Whenever theopportunity came, we would turn our heads to face the opposite direction toease the stiffness and claustrophobic feeling of not being able to turn ourheads. If we could reach a spot where wecould breathe freely, we would rest. We never stopped to sleep and never restedlong before one of us would say that we needed to keep moving. We both knew wehad a long way to go.

Near the halfwaypoint, the roof opened up to two or three feet and after a few unrestrainedbreaths we would travel through these areas on our backs. Our clothes were soaked with sweat and clayand were stretched out and ripped from the narrow places. Such a grand adventure on the way in. Such a torturous crawl on the way out. Even knowing we were on the right path it wasof great comfort reaching a point where we could sit up to rest and see the oldbottle of spray paint we had found on the way in. Not much was said as we proceeded on, I justkept saying occasionally, “This is it Curt. We are going to make it!”

“We are going to make it” became a statement of hope morethan a statement of fact a the pathways seemed to stay so narrow that breathingwas constricted more often than not and moving forward was done only in the faiththat we had passed this way before, for the path that we were in and the paththat lay ahead seemed impassable. Hourspassed as we proceeded inches at a time. Our minds began to cloud over in the mists of exhaustion. If the path would have been more than a fewfeet wide or had any forks I don’t think we would have made it. I could not concentrate on the paths as awhole, but could only see the path in inches and feet. Inches and feet needed to move forward sothat we could reach a spot open enough to breathe at least a half breath andoccasionally a beautiful full breath of air.

It became morning on night, I couldn’t tell which one, butI could tell the change in time by the bats which began to stream aroundus. Most of the bats would recognize usas an obstacle but there was the occasional bat following the lead of another,not paying attention that would smack into my face before realizing somethingnew was blocking the path. I was in the lead and I could see a swarm of batscoming blindly at us, but all Curt could rely on was my voice saying“duck”. The bats were fast enough tomove around me, but not effecting a second obstacle would crash into Curt. This became comical after a while and Istopped saying “duck!” to Curt unless it was after the bats had already crashedinto him. Like before, the passages wereat points so tight that there was no where for the bats to fly an after landingon my face, or shoulders, they would crawl over us as we traveled in ourseparate directions.

Soon, we began to hear water and knew it to be the smallwater chasm about a quarter of the way from the entrance to this “Devil’sCrawl.” I suggested that we rest andfill up on water before moving on. Wewere so tired, but were filled with such hope as we knew that we were gettingcloser to the exit. Although we feltrejuvenated, this section had a fork and we double and triple checked ourmemory as to the correct path. Our mindswere alert enough to know for sure the right path, but we did not feelcomfortable in proceeding without double checking our memories. Our bodies could not withstand any moremisadventure.

With our thirst quenched for the moment, we were anxious tomove on. The last quarter of the pathwas the toughest part as rocks jutted out in every direction in paths that werealready twelve to eighteen inches tall and we made our way by slithering assnakes through this maze.

With great relief we reached the gypsum chamber, soft andpleasant to sit and rest in, not just physically, but mentally as we knew nowfor sure we had escaped the Devil’s Crawl. We rested against the soft clay walls for quite a while thinking abouthow fortunate we were to be alive. Wewondered as to how long we had been lost. Curt thought one to two days; I thought three to four days. With more experience, I knew most that timeis irrelevant in the cave. Either way weknew that our families were most definitely worried by now. We did feel rushed to get home, but stillrested for a good thirty minutes before emerging from our long crawl. Being men, we imagined a tearful andheartfelt reunion from our worried wives. Realistically, we hoped they would not be mad at us for our late return. We figured they would be either mad or gladsince they would not have undergone the emotional trauma that we had gonethrough. We decided that if they met aswith great worry and relief as they were worried of our loss, we would tellthem of our worry also, without too much detail and enjoy the hugs and lovefelt of a heartfelt return home.

If they were mad, then as men we did not want to go intodetail of our emotional death trial just to feel humiliated. I didn’t think so but as Curt had said, itcould possibly only have been two days; the physical exertion could have madeit seem longer. If this was the casethen to Paula it would have seemed normal and if they showed no worry then wewouldn’t tell of our secret trials.

We gathered our gear with candles blazing light and heatwarming us in this soft chamber. It wassuch a pleasure to be able to sit up and rest, especially knowing that we were wellon our way to the cave entrance.

While preparing to leave Curt reached for my Bowie knifethat was suppose to be on his belt. Itis one of my favorite knives and accompanies me on all my caving trips. While pressing through the narrow crawls thelatch had broke on the sheath. Curt andI took turns carrying it on our belts while we took turns exploring tunnels, sothat it would not get lost. Of course,when Curt reached for my $100 knife, it was not there. He asked if I wanted to go back and try tofind it and I replied, “Are you crazy?” The chances of finding it are slim to none andwe were too weak to make any more side trips. I said I would come back for it in a couple weeks when our wounds werehealed. It would be like finding aneedle in a haystack but I love my knife. (P.S. I found it 2 weeks later about half way back in the crawl.)

I checked the watch in my bag. It said it was 8:30. I did not know if it was a.m. or p.m., orwhat day.

This and more being said, we headed on out of the gypsumroom to the entrance of the “Devil’s Crawl”, we looked again at the warningwritten in blood red paint of what Satan would do to us and gave praise for ourSalvation now felt physically as well as spiritually. “We still have a long way to go” I said toCurt.

I thought back to the beginning of our great adventures,and of promising Mandy that I would bring Curt home safe. I felt a sense of relief as I now know thiswas possible. I was twice as gladthinking how close I came to giving her bad news that now would nothappen. We would make it out of thiscave, up the steep mountain and back home. Curt and I gathered our packs and began our path out through thefamiliar parts of “my” cave. We had notgone far when I realized that our minds were not fully clear. We had traveled in a circle and come backacross the entrance to the “Devil’s Craw”. At that time I was convinced with my familiarity of the Cave and atfirst dismissed it as if we had exited early and had taken a shortcut. We sat down again to reflect on the entranceand the red blood warning just inside when we realized we had come full circlewasting energy.

This may have been agood thing though because it made us realize that we were not as mentally alertas we thought we were. This also worriedus as to our physical condition and the difficult path that lay ahead ofus. We thought it could be dehydration,but we only knew that we had better move on before the mountain took a hold ofus again. I took the lead and weproceeded slowly. There were many forksin the paths and although I normally knew this cave like the back of my hand,each fork was met with a mental challenge as all were familiar. I had almost every rock in this main part ofthe cave memorized by sight or feel but I had to concentrate on every step,every rock, and every feature to try and remember the correct path. I apologized to Curt for going so slow but itwas necessary to proceed one step at a time, with extra thought in order tostay on track. We made good progress tothe large cantilever breakdown that meant we had made it halfway out with onlya couple of backtracks.

We took one more short break to watch the continual rainfallas we had on the way in. There was freshwater at the bottom. I would normallynot hesitate in attempting the steep slope down and back, but I didn’t trustour physical condition any more than our mental condition. Plus, as thirsty as we were, the freshnatural springs near the entrance would entice us to keep moving; and keepmoving we did.

The springs flowed from rocks close enough to the entranceof the cave that the air had warmed up to 60 degrees and we sank our faces intothe cold water and filled our empty, dehydrated bodies with fresh, pure springwater. Soon after we were at theentrance of the cave, the bright morning sun blinded us with its gentle warmingrays. With our deluded minds, we wereglad that it was 10:30 a.m. and not 10:30 p.m. as losing our way in the wordswas something I knew we didn’t want to face physically, let alonementally. Now the mountain climb stoodas an opposing giant in the path to my truck in the sky, 800 feet up, up, up.

Up we began. I grabbed the heavy pack and gave Curt thelighter one and we exited the mountains mouth born once again. About 50 feet up we were already convincingour legs that they were to carry all our burden when we stopped, and turnedaround to look at the beautiful “exit” of the cave and although nothing wassaid aloud, I know that we both thanked God for his guidance and I felt a hugesense of gratitude for the direction we had been given and felt humbled as tohow it had been received. “To you be allglory, honor, and praise” I silently said. “Let them not see me lest I should boast for it was not my credit to betaken.” I missed the comforting folds ofthe death angel and yet felt as if I would bust from gratitude that of allpeople who did not emerge from their death beds that morning, I was given thegift of another day. And this day wouldbe the greatest day of my life. I wouldnot take the mornings light for granted any more and would greet each new morningwith thankfulness and gratitude as I was given the gift of a new day when somany greater that I, did not wake up this day. Each day I am given, I will try to make the greatest day of my life.

I turned back and looked up the steep climb to see Curt 20foot up clinging to a tree as he rested waiting for me. This was to be how we both proceeded, a fewclimbing steps to reach a tree that was also clinging to the side of themountain to hold us up as we rested more frequently then we wanted. There’s really no need to mention how many timeswe lost our footing and would tumble back down until a tree would lend a handin stopping our fall. The sun warmed usand our blood flowed and injuries pulsated with pain. It was mentally that we conquered the climbfor physically our bodies did not want to follow directions. I was amazed at Curt as he took thelead. I had trouble keeping up evenafter we switched packs so I would have the lighter one. Curt even took on the extra weight of bothmag lights and batteries and I still was always 20 feet down from him. About an hour later we had reached the topand the truck.

When we finally reached the truck we quickly threw ourpacks and equipment in the back grateful beyond any measure that the truckwould carry us and our burdens home. Wegot in the truck and before I turned the key I looked at Curt and smiled andsaid, “Watch it not start now”. I turned the key as he said that wasn’t evenfunny. We sank into the soft seats asthe truck pulled out of the woods onto the small gravel road that would lead usalong the ridge of the mountains top to a long narrow road that I would have toride the brake all the way down two to three milesto reach the road that would take us home.

About 5 miles up the road was a small country gasstation. We wanted to hurry home butwanted to know what day it was and needed some caffeine. We parked right in the middle of thelot. I don’t think it was a parkingspot. Everyone pumping gas looked at uslike we were going to rob the place as we screeched to a halt and burst out ofthe truck as we rushed for the door.

No one answered as we rushed for the door asking, “What dayis it?” “What day is it?” We didn’t stop to think or realize how bad welooked, covered in water and clay, bruised and scratched all over as we onlyreceived blank stares. There was anewspaper stand and as I headed for the door I told Curt to go look at thepaper and see what day it was. Curtnearly pressed his nose on the glass as he said that he couldn’t tell thateverything was still too blurry to read anything. I looked from Curt to a young, blond hairedboy trying to sneak past me to the door. His eyes were wide with fear as I said “Hey!” He tried to run for the door, but I grabbedthe door handle first and asked him what day it was. He said it was the 19^th. I said, “No, What Day? Saturday, Sunday, Monday?” The boy said it was Sunday as he squeezedpast me and hurried into the store. Itold Curt to come on as we rushed into the store and back to the sodas.

Everyone looked at uslike we were madmen. We didn’t even realizeor care why. Curt grabbed a Mountain Dewand I grabbed a Pepsi, and we were gulping them down immediately. We walked through the store bent over closeto the racks, as if half blind. Suchsweet pleasures. We filled our arms withthe packages of small chocolate and powder coated doughnuts, candy bars,anything that looked good. We headedtowards the counter to pay and everyone in the store was watching us as ifbewildered. I remembered thinking“What’s their problem” as they all separated and backed out of line. We put allof our pleasures on the counter in a pile. The lady said nothing as she quickly rang everything up. “Curt”, I said. “Look, homemade jam.” There was a rack of jams and pastries on awooden rack by the counter. I neededthat jam. “We gotta get some of these,”I said. Man, Country homemade raspberryand blackberry jam with seeds. I put oneof each on the counter. The jam was veryreasonable at two something a quart and two minutes and $35.00 later we were inthe truck absorbing the sweet pleasures as if we had eaten dirt all our lives. Several calories later, I looked at Curt andwas like “Man, no wonder they were looking at you crazy, you look likecrap. You look like a crazy cave man.” He muttered something undetectable as hisdirt and clay covered hands shoved powdered doughnuts into his clay coveredface. I think it was something like“Look in the mirror fool.” We had a goodlaugh, spitting food crumbs and then stopping from the pain of ourinjuries. How much more joyful could lifebe. So much that we take for granted.

Time wise, we would get home about 12:15. We wondered if they would be at church. We imagined showing up at church right atalter call, both our wives up front praying for our safe return and we couldwalk up and put our hands on their shoulders. Talk about an answer to prayer!! But we knew that if we went home their prayers would be answered at thedoor when we got home or when they got home from church either way.

When we pulled into the driveway, both vehicles were thereand we almost burst into tears of joy as we imagined the front door flying openand our families piling out to smother us with a warm welcome home. We sat in the driveway waiting for about fiveminutes and nothing happened.

Curt and I sat in the truck relieved to be home andexpected the front door to fly open at any moment. After about five minutes we decided to keepour struggle a secret and just go in since no one was worried enough to come tothe door or window. Surely someone hadheard us pull up. Maybe we would be introuble for ruining everyone else’s weekend. With this in mind, we went up to the front door and started to goin. Our wife’s came down and asked if wewere ok. Then she told us to come in through the garage so we didn’t get theentryway dirty, to come in through the garage. We were met at the garage door with a pair of clean shorts for each ofus so we could strip our clay caked clothes off in the garage. Then, the garage door closed and Curt and Ilooked at each other somewhat puzzled. “I guess it will be our secret,” I said. “There’s no reason to worry them.” “If we do, then they might not let us go next time. Let’s just play it by ear.”

As we took our clothes off Curt laughed and pointed at myjeans. The rear end had totally rippedout and I didn’t even know. Thatprobably was one reason people at the gas station were staring. It’s a good thing we didn’t meet them atchurch with my butt hanging out.

Our wives now greeted us with questioning faces. Questions were asked like “Did you have agood time?” “Did you get lost?” “Do you realize how long you were gone?” I answered the questions with “Let’s just saywe had good adventure caving.” All saidand done, Curt and I just wanted a nice warm bath or shower. Except for the fact that we had ruined allother plans for the weekend, it was only Sunday after noon and was not anylonger than some of my caving adventures. Maybe our wives weren’t worried.

Curt went with Mandy and Paula came into our room and askedme if we got lost in the woods or what. She told me that Mandy had begun to worry late Saturday night and thatshe, herself, also was worried, but played it off as normal. When we still weren’t there Sunday morning,Paula had explained to Mandy how sometimes if it is night time I would waituntil sunup before heading back as it is easy to get lost in the woods. If this was the case, we should get home by9:00 a.m. When 9:30 and 10:00 camearound, Paula said she called my friend John and asked if he could find thecave using his G.P.S. and the coordinates I had left her. She told Mandy that if we were not back by12:00, she would call the emergency numbers I had left for her. At 12:00 they gave us 30 more minutes and wemade it home before 12:30! Paula saidshe would have come after me herself no matter how long it took. I was a little surprised as I could imagineher outside the cave, but not inside the cave. I felt blessed that she would be willing to risk something so unknown tofind me. She said that she wanted to atleast see if my truck was there. Thatway she would at least know we were still there. I realized how hard it would be to accept ourdeaths if there were no bodies to be found. Both our wives lovingly ran a warm bath for us. Curt was in the guest bath and me in ourbedroom, master bath. Paula sat on theedge of the bath and I kept no secrets. I summed it up with “We got lost and I didn’t think we were going tomake it.”

I am convinced that my experiences with the reality ofdeath have enriched my life more than any other experiences I have had. Facing death means facing the ultimatequestion of the meaning of life. If wereally want to live, we must have the courage to recognize that life isultimately very short and that everything we do counts. When it is the evening of our life, we willhopefully have a chance to look back and say that our lives were worthwhilebecause we have really lived.

P.S. When I went back tothe cave to get my knife the red blood words of warning were not on the walland there was no trace of the words at all.

Death is no longer just a word, it is an experience which Ifelt as I lay by and hurt and agonized as Curt was engaged in the act ofdying. I felt the pain, the frustration,the fear and the anxiety. I felt my soulbared as it had never been before. Surely those were by far the most emotion filled moments of my life. I shall be richer all my life for thissorrow. In what way will I live my life.

Death is my companion.

Another book started...

2012-01-10T21:46:00.002-06:00

I've written many books and never finished.... what a fleeting beast is this muse...

I just came back across this introduction to a book Idea and outline that I have... this was VERY fitting to where I am right now tonight...

____________________________________________________________________________

“What did I ever doto you” Finding faithfulness in God during the difficult times

Ever had a time where you were found looking for somethingand not being able to find it? You all know what I mean. For some it is those glasses you alwaysmisplace only to find them on your head. Others it is the car keys you can’t find until you look in the ignitionof your car.

Recently my 2 year old had to get glasses to correct atendency to go cross eyed. Thisdeficiency in his eye sight gave him no depth perception and slowed down hisfine motor skills. So we got him theglasses. Yet did he want to wearthem? Of course not. He did what any good 2 year old BOY does andtried to hide them. After 3 days ofsearching the entire house and even sticking our hands down register vents tofeel around I had found 2 stuffed animals, a dozen small toys but noglasses. Finally one afternoon when wewent to put a game away we found them inside a tote we used for toys. There they were, pretty much in plain sight.

Recently I had one of these moments in my spirituallife. A moment where multiple thingswere crashing around me. It came in themidst of one of the highest moments of my life as well. This left me with this nagging question toGod “WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU??” Haveyou ever been there before? Thinkingthat God had lost a key element of who He is suppose to be? Faithful! Or maybe is it that I just expecthim to be?

It wasn’t until I mentally screamed the above to God that ithit me.

I was searching through the Topical Bible to find more aboutGod’s nature of being Faithful. I wasn’tfinding much. “AH-HA”! That is why I feel like He is allowing allthis to happen… and then it hit me. Iwas looking for it all spelled out “THIS IS HOW GOD IS FAITHFUL *FOR DUMMIES”and it wasn’t there. But when I startedflipping through I found it was all through-out. Each book, each story was a picture of God’sFaithful Character. In each chapter ofthe Bible we find a story of Faithfulness to us. This is OUR story. This is a picture of what we can expect: Noteverything was perfect, right, or even seemed justified but God was faithful toHis beloved people.

Finding God's faithfulness in the mundane... in the hurt.

Snowmen

2012-01-03T22:23:00.000-06:00

So I recieved this DVD free to review and have to say other then one 5 min section this was a great film for all ages..

Synopsis:
Limited Theatrical Release - SNOWMEN is a humorous and heartfelt coming-of-age story about three unlikely heroes and the winter that changed their lives forever. After a surprising discovery in the snow catapults three small-town boys into the spotlight, the best friends hatch a plan to be remembered forever by setting a Guinness World Records® title. Along the way, the trio battles schoolyard bullies, unites their community and discovers that - while fame may be fleeting - true friendship lasts forever. The film stars Bobby Coleman (Last Song), Ray Liotta (Wild Hogs), Bobbie J. Thompson (Role Models), Josh Flitter (Ace Ventura Jr.) and Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future).

Dove Worldview:
One young boy wants to leave behind a legacy, something for everyone to remember him by. Eventually he learns that "it's not what we do that's important, so much as how we do it." That is the gift that this truth gives. This film has heart and is very compelling to watch. Children have an amazing way in looking at things differently from adults and these three boys see the world in a much simpler way. As the three young boys work together for one common cause, they also find out what motivates a school yard bully. They reach out to him to help, and for his help too. Along the way they learn a few lessons about life, friendship and how to treat others. This is a charming story for the family and even has a few subtle faith moments. Although there are a few scenes that may be frightening for younger children, we are pleased to award this movie our Dove "Family Approved" Seal for ages 12 and over.

The 5 min issue is that there is a scary scene where the boys are playing in a snow drift, almost burried by the plow and then a frozen body is uncovered. My children were watching this with me and my youngest daughter was scared that night when going to bed.

Other then tha moment it was great for the ENTIRE family and I would recommend it.

For Christian Element I will say that there are a couple chances for this film to take a VERY Christian aproach and it unfortunatly does not. Just talkes about being good etc...

So Recommended for ages 10 and older or all ages after the scary scene.

Angel Dog Review

2012-01-03T22:17:00.001-06:00

What happens when a man loses his entire family in one freak accident and the only survivor is the dog they found? A bonding of man and dog, and a journey of a dog is discovered that has touched many lives.

I recieved this DVD free to review and I have to say it was very good.
Now if you are looking for a Christian Film this is not it. It is CLEAN. But it doesn't talk about how providence is from God etc...

Synopsis:
Angel Dog is an uplifting drama with sorrow, sincerity, hope, and humor...a journey of recovery for Jake Bryant, a man who has to learn to love, how to smile, how to live again after he loses everything that matters to him. His inspiration to get off the sofa and go on living comes from somewhere Jake never would have expected -- a lovable stray named Cooper.

Dove Worldview:
"Angel Dog" is a movie which adults along with kids will enjoy. Don't let the title fool you. The movie deals with something everyone can relate to: death and loss, and the subsequent grieving process. Yet "Cooper", a stray, is a lovable dog who seems to have a mission: to help those who are lonely following a loss. Then he moves on to the next need.

Jake Bryant is lonely following the sudden death of his wife in a car accident. Cooper had just come to her and, against his will, Jake begins to form a relationship with Cooper and enjoy his companionship. The local vet, Caroline Mason, who cares for Cooper at first following the accident, can't figure out why his owner is so slow to pick him up from her office. Later, as she meets and gets to know Jake, she realizes just how lonely she is too, caring for an elderly mother in a nursing home with no one to share her life with. This fantastic story is an inspiring story of hope and we place our Dove "Family-Approved" Seal on this movie with enthusiasm. This film earned it! Make sure someone you care about sees this movie. It just might make his or her day.

Great film! And definitly one for the whole family!

One Hit From Home

2012-01-03T22:13:00.002-06:00

Been reviewing some great movie titles lately and wanted to pass them on.

Just finished a DVD I recieved free to review call ONE HIT FROM HOME.

Synopsis:
After suffering a career ending knee injury, pro-baseball superstar Jimmy Easton returns to a place he has not been in a very long time...home. Here, Jimmy confronts dark memories from a tragic past as he tries to make peace with a life he once left behind. Things take an unexpected turn when he is forced back into the world of baseball as the coach of an underachieving college team. Coach Jimmy's rocky relationship with Brandon Elliot, the team's only star, forces both of them to deal with their similarly troubled pasts."One Hit from Home" is an inspirational family film that explores the unpredictability of life, reminding us that through our greatest struggles only faith can bring us home.

Dove Worldview:
Life is full of hardships and struggles. This is the case for a former professional baseball player as he finds himself in trouble for acting out his aggression after he is forced to quit the game he loves. As he tries to come to grips with his own situation, he is brought face to face with a young boy suffering from some similar situations.

This film shows that the road to one's own recovery often leads to helping others face their struggles. God is the only one who can help you deal with your past and learn how to move forward. By helping others, Jimmy learns how to help himself. This movie deals with some hard subjects in compassionate ways, topics such as reconciliation, acceptance of the past and self-sacrifice for the benefit of others are explored in moving ways. Dove is pleased to award this film our "Family-Approved" Seal for ages 12 and over.

This was a GREAT family film and had a STRONG theme and message to it.
Also the thing I really enjoyed was that the acting and script were consistent throughout...
Plus many low budget christian films have numerous issues with consistency (IE.. clock says 2 am, item in left hand and then not...) There was only one instance in this film where a man had an item in his hand and then it was gone...

Finding hope in the trouble of life and hitting CURVE balls is the key theme of this movie!
Great film and definitly worth purchasing!

Adoption Support

2011-11-21T22:08:00.001-06:00

Dear Friends and Family, October 28, 2011

“you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, bywhom we cry, "Abba! Father!" Romans 8:15b

For all ofyou who have kept even remotely in touch with Mandy or I, you know that we havea passion for kids. You have probablyseen the photos or read my blogs about trips to Mexicoor Guatemalato work with children’s homes in these countries. If you have seen any of the posts in thepast 6 months you know that God has called us to adopt; to realize full circlethe grace we have in being ‘Adopted’ by God.

Mandy andI, through prayer, decided we wanted to pursue adoption of a child from China. Then through the persistence and prayers ofour children (And ours as well) we have been called to adopt TWO special needs children from China.

So beforeyou start thinking we have completely gone mad let me explain why we arefeeling led by God to this endeavor. Iam a visual person so let me share a visual with you. Think about your childhood and the feelingsthat flood your mind. In many cases youfeel safety, or love. These feelings areassociated with your relationship to your parents. Now imagine that at a very young age, you arein a Children’s home. You are one of 80children under the care of 4 or 5 nannies. They can’t care for you when you are sick, they don’t pick you up whenyou fall. You don’t remember yourparents. You feel abandoned by everyone.You grow up not knowing what love is, what safety is, and you begin to losehope. Those thoughts bring me totears. Now picture that in the amount of144,000,000 children. All withouthope. All without a future.

God haslaid it on our hearts to give a new HOPE,a new FUTURE to 2 children from China. This has come over many years and manyexperiences. To share our journey withyou in a paragraph is impossible as I could start with a dying baby in Chinathat our James Fund group named ‘Jamie’ and sought to save. Or a 13 year old girl named Zhihong whocouldn’t understand the concept of a gift as she had never received one in herlifetime. Or I could forward to the 10+trips to Mexicoto work with cultural orphans with Back2Back ministries. The stories are numerous how God continues toopen our hearts to the orphan but ultimately it begins in the Word.

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, theFather, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction… James 1:27

learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression;bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause… Isaiah 1:17

There aremany challenges that we know we will face in this adoption process. We have already had multiple government rulesthat have changed which delayed paperwork. There are issues that arise even many years down the road with adoptedchildren due to their early years. Depending on the age of the child, there could be a languagebarrier. As well we are adopting specialneeds and that can be a challenge. Yetin it all we feel that God is preparing us for this.

In lightof these challenges this is where we are seeking your help.

Through itall we know that we will need God’s guidance, wisdom and strength. Your prayer support is more important to usthen anything. We would ask that youpost the letter, or cut out our family photo and post it where you will see itdaily. When you do please lift us up inprayer.

The secondway that you can help is to support us financially. The estimated cost for adopting one childfrom Chinawould be $36,000. As you read above wewill be adopting 2 which adds to the expense. Praise God we have, through much support of family and friends already,been able to pay $6,500 in fees.

Another praiseis that through Family Christian Stores, the James Fund and Lifesong we havebeen given a $10,000 Matching Grant. Inorder for us to get that $10,000 we have to find help raising it! It is just like the parable of theTalents. You are helping us turn the 10into 20!

So how can you give:

If youwould like to be a part of God bringing these 2 children into our lives you cansend your Tax-deductible giftbetween now and December 21, 2011 to the address below. Lifesong is a trusted organizationadministering the funds on our behalf and will pay adoption expenses out of thefunds received.

Please make checks payable to: LIFESONG. You may preference how the donation might be used by writing “Preference Cecil #2339 adoption” in the memo section of your check. (*Note: in following IRS guidelines, your donation is to Lifesong which retains full discretion and control over its use.)

Mail checks to:

Lifesong for Orphans

Attn: Cecil #2339 Adoption

PO Box 40

Gridley, IL 61744

You can also use Pay Pal by going to the following website:

http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/donation.html

In the PURPOSE line please place “Preference Cecil #2339adoption”

Just please note that while convenient Pay Pal does deductbetween 1.9% - 2.9% from your donation. Yet we know that for some of us this option is the quickest and easiest!

Thank you for investing in theKingdom through prayer and your finances – it will be an investment with aneternal return! (Matt.6:20) We will be sure to give you anupdated family photo and details of our travel when we return. Be sure to connect with us on our blogs tokeep in touch on the process:

Mandy: http://www.mandysabusymommy.blogspot.com/

Curtis: http://www.idratherbecaving.blogspot.com/

Pleasecontinue to pray that this entire process will glorify God and fulfill Hispurposes!

In Hisstrength,

168 Million and counting / 883 who need voices

2011-11-04T23:38:00.000-05:00

I spoke yesterday on my facebook page of having watched 2 films, one on the 2nd and one on the 3rd about Father Flanagan and Boys Town. A man who lived his life for the children.

Tonight I watched a film about one person who believed in something so much that she was willing to give her life for a cause.

That person was Joan of Arc. She believed so emphatically that God had called her to help bring about a united France that she gave herself to be tried.

Recently I have been experiencing a small trial. At times I want to say “God, really… is there a plan here?” yet in it all I have been able to hold strong to the fact that I know God will see me through.

I do find it simpler to complain in these trials then to persevere… yet when I see the stories and read some of the letters that Joan of Arc wrote I am amazed of her resilience.

When I look at my hangnail problem in light of dying at the hands of the church you sought to help… I do not have a leg to stand on.

It makes me then tie it back to Orphan care. It is so easy to see the #’s: 168 Million orphans in the world. How about the facts of the # of children who die of starvation daily? Where do I focus, what do I do? How can I make a difference…

It is so easy to be so overwhelmed that I want to give up. Yet just like Joan of Arc, I will continue to advocate till there is no longer breath in my lungs. I can’t save them all but I might be able to teach 10 more people to advocate, they in turn might teach 10 and so on.

Maybe world orphan #’s are too scary for you.

Well try this one on for size:

In the State of Maryland there are 883 children awaiting adoption.

That is much smaller then 168 Million.

This photo is one of those waiting children from Maryland, Seeking a Foreer family.
But what saddens my heart is the next fact:

There are 5,816 registered Churches in the state of Maryland.

In America there are 107, 011 children awaiting adoption (2010 figures) and yet there are 348,067 Churches.

So in Maryland only 15.2% of all the churches would have to get involved and seek to find a family to adopt a child. Nationwide in America only 30.7% of churches need to be involved.

But does the church care?
Are we really making a difference or are we sitting back hoping someone else will take care of it?

Do we sit in our pews and watch the world go to Hell?

Do we sing our songs about God’s love and yet drive past the homeless family in need?

Or are we hiding behind our piety and being more shocked that I used the H. E. Double Hockey stick word above?

So what are you going to do? Can you look in these faces and say "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU!?!"
LOOK AT THEM!!! Think about how it must feel to have NO ONE to help?
When you cry and no one hears you begin to not waste time crying.

Will you foster one of these waiting children? Or maybe even adopt them?

What would happen if one church said “OUR GOAL IS TO SEE 10 FAMILIES ACCEPT A CALL TO ADOPTION OR FOSTER CARE THIS YEAR?”

Can you speak up on the behalf of these children?

WILL YOU?

Galatians 4:4-6

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. 6And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!"

Can you imagine the Joy portrayed in this verse? Never having had a father and being Adopted allows not just to say the words but to CRY OUT "DADDY!! FATHER!!".
The job is unspeakable and full of HIS glory!

Can you show God's Glory to a child?

The Tehran Initiative by Joel C. Rosenberg

2011-10-21T00:30:00.000-05:00

Any fans out there of 24?

Shows that keep you on the end of your seat, anticpating the next scene, the next bit of action? That is how this book, The Tehran Initiative, plays out.

It is written in such a way that weaves you right into this vividly detailed narative. Joel Rosenberg does a tremendous job at creating a story line that is so real, true to life, it almost seems to blend with current news.

What's real, what's not?
You must check this title out at your local christian bookstore.

I have also attached an Interview that he did so you can hear in his own words what drives his style of writting. ENJOY!!

An interview with Joel C. Rosenberg author of The Tehran Initiative

1) This is the second book with CIA operative David Shirazi. Where does the story pick up from your previous bestseller The Twelfth Imam?
A: The Tehran Initiative begins about sixty seconds after The Twelfth Imam leaves off. I’ve tried to create a near seamless connection between the two. And there’s another book coming, The Damascus Countdown.

2) You started writing The Tehran Initiative when the Arab Spring began earlier this year. Did events impact your writing or the storyline?
A: Actually, I was well into writing The Tehran Initiative when the “Arab Spring” began and it was a little eerie because the novel opens with the assassination of the President Egypt and Egypt descending into chaos after the leader’s fall. Fortunately, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak wasn’t killed, but he certainly fell quickly and somewhat unexpectedly and Egypt is still reeling from the aftermath. The novel really focuses a great deal on the intense desire amongst many Muslims in the Middle East and North Africa to build a global Islamic empire, or a “caliphate.” And that’s certainly a growing theme among the Islamists in the region this year. Perhaps what struck me most curious since the publication of The Twelfth Imam and while I was researching and writing The Tehran Initiative is that the so-called Supreme Leader of Iran, the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, has began speaking more publicly about the coming of the Twelfth Imam. He used to be silent, or nearly so, on this subject. He let President Ahmadinejad do all the public talking about Shia End Times theology. But Khamenei has become more bold over the past year or so. He has told people that he has met personally with the Twelfth Imam, though we don’t know what he meant. Did he meet with a flesh and blood person? Did he see a dream? Or a vision? We don’t know. But Khamenei has also asserted that he is the personal representative on earth of the Twelfth Imam, as well as the so-called Prophet Muhammad. These developments – along with his support for Iran’s aggressive nuclear development program – suggest Khamenei senses the time is very short before some claiming to be the Twelfth Imam emerges publicly. In part, that’s why the Iranian government released the pseudo-documentary film in early 2011 called, “The Coming Is Near,” about all the geopolitical signs that they believe are indicators that the Mahdi’s arrival is increasingly close at hand. Whether it will really happen or not remains to be seen. But the Iranian leadership is certainly convinced. Most of them, anyway. And, of course, the Bible tells us in Matthew chapter twenty-four to expect false prophets and false messiahs in the last days. So we can’t rule out the possibility that we’ll actually as false messiah emerge from the Shia world.

3) You’ve earned a reputation of writing stories that seemed ripped from tomorrow’s headlines. What is going on in The Tehran Initiative that we can see unfolding in the news?
A: I think the biggest parallel between The Tehran Initiative and current events is the growing sense amongst Shia Muslim leaders – particularly in Iran – that the Twelfth Imam is coming any moment, coupled with Iran’s feverish efforts to build nuclear weapons, and the Israelis’ growing isolation in the world and feeling that they may have to hit Iran all by themselves. Did you see Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s apocalyptic address at the U.N. in September, or read the full text? You should. It’s instructive. Ahmadinejad is not a world leader worthy of the world stage. He is the evil leader of an Iranian death cult. A recent U.N. report indicates he is making progress in building nuclear weapons. He is calling for the arrival of the Twelfth Imam and wiping Israel “off the map.” He aspires to be a mass murderer beyond the scale of Adolf Hitler. He deserves to be in prison, or an insane asylum. His U.N. speech was further proof, if more was needed. Like Hitler’s speeches in Germany in the 1920s and 1930s, Ahmadinejad isn’t hiding what he believes. He’s pretty clear. He denied the Holocaust. He blasted the U.S. for bringing Osama Bin Laden to justice. He blamed the terrorist attacks 9/11 on the U.S. government. He insisted that his so-called messiah known as “Imam al-Mahdi” or the Twelfth Imam is coming soon. He insisted Jesus Christ will come with the Mahdi to take over the world. He called for a one-world government when he called for “the shared and collective management of the world.” Consider these excerpts: “This movement is certainly on its rightful path of creation, ensuring a promising future for humanity. A future that will be built when humanity initiates to trend the path of the divine prophets and the righteous under the leadership of Imam al-Mahdi, the Ultimate Savior of mankind and the inheritor to all divine messengers and leaders and to the pure generation of our great Prophet. The creation of a supreme and ideal society with the arrival of a perfect human being who is a true and sincere lover of all human beings, is the guaranteed promise of Allah. He will come alongside with Jesus Christ to lead the freedom and justice lovers to eradicate tyranny and discrimination, and promote knowledge, peace, justice freedom and love across the world. He will present to every single individual all the beauties of the world and all good things which bring happiness for humankind.” Though most world leaders do not appear to understand what Ahmadinejad is really saying, students of Shia Islamic eschatology or End Times theology do. The Iranian leader believes the end of the world as we have known it is increasingly close at hand. He believes the time for establishing an Islamic caliphate or global government ruled by the Mahdi is rapidly approaching. What’s more, he believes that the way to hasten the coming of the Twelfth Imam is to acquire nuclear weapons and use them to annihilate the United States, which he calls the “Great Satan” and Israel, which he calls the “Little Satan.” Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu understands what Ahmadinejad means. So do some of his top military advisors. That’s why they believe Iran is in the eye of a gathering storm in the Middle East, and that the chance of a major war is growing. “Iran has not abandoned its nuclear program. The opposite is true; it continues full steam ahead,” warned Israeli Defense Forces Home Front Command Chief Major General Eyal Eisenberg in a speech earlier this month. Also noting recent uprisings in the Arab world and growing tensions with Turkey, Eisenberg said, “This leads us to the conclusion that…the likelihood of an all-out war is increasingly growing.” To me, all this feels ripped from the pages of The Tehran Initiative. Unfortunately, it’s all true.

4) Readers seem to get very attached to your characters. What goes into creating the characters in your novels?
A: It’s the Colonel’s secret recipe of seven herbs and spices. I could tell you, but then I’d have to….well, never mind….no comment to that one.

5) What experiences in your real life do you draw from to piece together these novels that incorporate geo-politics, espionage, romance, and Bible prophecy?
A: Someone once told me, “Write where you live in your head.” For some reason, that advice resonated with me and stuck. I’m fascinated with politics, prophecy and the Middle East. Living in Washington, D.C. and working in and around the political world for the past two decades has certainly helped provide context for me to write political thrillers. I think traveling extensively throughout the Middle East and North Africa has been helpful, too. Somehow, it’s all worked together in a way some people find as interesting as I do.

6) You often incorporate Old Testament prophecy in your books. What scriptures do you draw from for this book and why?
A: There’s no question that I am absolutely intrigued by Bible prophecy, and I like to start with an End Times prophecy – or a group of last days prophecies – and ask, “What if these were to happen in my lifetime? What would it look like? What would it feel like? How might such prophecies realistically be set into motion, and what might be the implications of their fulfillment?” That’s how I approach writing these books. But I don’t think of it like writing a fantasy novel or science fiction. I’m genuinely trying to imagine how it could really play out? I’m not saying these prophecies will necessarily come to pass the way I envision them, but they are interest to war game and see what happens. And given what’s happening in the real world today, I think readers are as curious as I am, and somehow my plots don’t feel that far-fetched.

7) You’ve been successful with your non-fiction books Epicenter and Inside the Revolution and you have a large following reading your analysis of Middle East events on your blog and e-newsletter “Flash Traffic.” Why do you continue to choose writing novels about the Middle East?
A: What could be more interesting? Presidents and presidential candidates constantly focus on the Middle East. Prime Ministers do. Kings do. Generals do. The media does. The economists do. The fact is, the eyes of the nations are riveted on Israel and her neighbors, the epicenter of the momentous events that are shaking our world and shaping our future. The stakes are very high. There is lots of uncertainty. It’s mysterious and dangerous and complex – it has all the elements of riveting political thrillers. And the Bible says the Middle East will become even more dramatic until the very return of Jesus Christ. Why write about anything else?

God's Story, Your Story by Lucado

2011-10-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

Through out my life I can pin point how Stories changed my life.

Growing up I enjoyed hearing stories of what my Grand Parents were like, When I was 10 I started researching my family tree. Through that I learned of stories such as an ancestor who was made to give up his children to the neighbors when his wife was dying because she didn't think he could raise them.
Or the minister who the red coats came in and killed his cattle, so he took up arms. Did I meantion he was a Quaker minister? He got mad, and told the family that he was going hunting. He joined the militia and actually years later recieved an Acomodation for Bravery in Battle years later, which let the family know the truth of what he had done.

Or even College where I had a professor bring History to life by telling the 'stories' of history.

Even later in life as my grandmother was dying from cancer, we connected on a level that I had never connected with her before. She shared stories about her upbringing and parents that even my mother didn't know.
Did I mention my Great-Grandfather played on the Chicago Staleys (the fore-runner to the Chicago Bears?). Also he was a prize fighter in Chicago.

In learning about one's history you can learn about yourself. That was my draw to the fmaily stories.

As a Christian there are 2 ways to look at scripture. A lot of rules, regulations and old stuff that doesn't apply to me. Or the way it should be is that the Bible is a STORY or narative of God's love for us.

In Max Lucado's book "God's Story, Your Story" we hear about some of the stories that add value and knowledge to our faith.

I have always enjoyed Max Lucado due to his simple way of catching your attention. He writes simply, and profoundly all at once. He explains in ways that anyone can understand.

Walk with Max as he takes you through the Bible and brings to light the naratives and stories that we all need to remember to help us make it through this life.

I hope you will read and learn how God has written you the narrative that we are playing out. This will give you direction and hope!

2011-10-15T15:11:00.000-05:00

Our Last Great Hope by Ronnie Floyd is a very powerful book.

The challenge of this book is to AWAKEN in our hearts the passion to see the people of this word as Jesus did.

When was the last time when you were sitting in Rush hour traffic that you broke down and cried over all those who are in need of Jesus around you?

Product Description Every day we encounter scores of people headed to an eternity without God. What will it take to wake us up to their desperate need for a Savior?
While the earth's time clock ticks away, well-meaning Christians go to church, pay their tithes, and pray for foreign missionaries-going through the motions of Christian life as millions face an eternity without God. If heaven is indeed for real, and only those who have put their faith in Christ will be given entrance, shouldn't we be making the most of every opportunity to share the Gospel, the last great hope for all the world?

Join pastor Ronnie Floyd as he challenges readers to face reality and begin a global movement to reach the lost. He says, "God is calling us to an awakening regarding his most urgent command found in Matthew 28:19 to go and make disciples of all nations. This Great Commission is the compelling charge given to us with divine authority by our Commander in Chief, Jesus Christ." If the Great Commission was so important to Jesus, why have we relegated it to casual discussions and an annual campaign in our churches?

An awakening has never been more needed. In this challenging book, Pastor Floyd discusses key imperatives such as: Get honest with yourself Wake up your church Understand the urgency Talk Jesus daily Reach the next generation now Minimize structure Think like never before _____________________________________________________________________
Are you ready to be honest with yourself?

To See the problem around you, to take OWNERSHIP that we are PLAN A, to use the verses of Scripture to see that YOU have the sollution the world so desperatly needs?

Many of us get there... This book though is meant to stir up a passion in you that causes you to BE the sollution, to go and DO!!!

Will you pick up the challenge and live out the Great Commission?

Lives are counting on it!

Adoption T-shirt Fund Raiser!

2011-10-08T11:45:00.003-05:00

ATTENTION FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!! Our T-shirt Fund Raiser is now up and running! Please check out the below link http://www.adoptionbug.com/cecilfamilyadoption/ this will take you to our Sight where you can purchase a t-shirt and the funds will hlep us to continue in the Adoption Process! We thank and appreciate first off your PRAYERS and your support.

HONOR Begins At Home: COURAGEOUS

2011-09-23T00:00:00.000-05:00

There isn't often that something comes out that I am completely and unabashidly excited for.This COURAGEOUS MOVEMENT is one of them.I say movement because it is!Isn't that just a Movie you might be asking... yes and no.Courageous is a Movie coming to your local theaters VERY soon on Septermber 30th.Check out a preview:It is also a BOOK written by one of my favorite authors Randy Alcorn. this is a fiction work that just makes a novel out of the movie.I received a copy of this free to review by Tyndale Publishing!But it is also a lot of gift items, from T-shirts (Which I have one again given free from Keruso ware), to Key chains, to Bible Studies, to additional books which I will review later called Resolution for Men and one for Women that I'll let Mandy read!But one piece of this is a RESOLUTION that the men in the movie make and sign.And so as not to spoil the movie for you I will not write the reloution phrases here but it is POWERFUL!It is all summed up with this verse: "AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE, WE WILL SERVE THE LORD."Having helped numerous times in Mexico and other places not to mention even in our own back yard we see that Satan attacks God by disolving the family through failed marriages or Men who do not LEAD their families.I hope you will all go and support the movie in Theaters, buy the DVD's and take the RESOLUTION pledge to be the MEN and Women whom God has called us to be.

The Love and Respect Experience by Eggerichs

2011-09-22T00:00:00.000-05:00

If you have ever tried to do a 'Couples' devotional you probably have stopped not too far into it.... I am talking to the GUYS in the couple. The ladies may have continued, finished and loved it.But there is just something about most devotionals that turn a guy off. Maybe it is the continual push on 'feelings', emotions, and talking. Or maybe it is just the authors, many of which are women writting to men...This devotional is written with Men in mind. This ties into my post that will be published on the 23rd about Courageous the movie and how we as MEN need to stand up and lead our homes.So the challenge is, do you as men want to set the example for your children to read the scriptures and to study what God has for you? THEN DO IT!With 52 Chapters to be used as you determine, weekly etc... It makes for a simple devotion.Check out this book and be sure to complete it TOGETHER!Some of the chapters that really stick out were:God Joins you together - He will keep you togetherHer Pink plus His Blue equals God's PurpleFeelings Aren't FACTS - Always sort it outJohn Wooden (OH YEAH!!! YOU know it is a GUYS devo now!!!)Your Children Are WatchingThanks to Thomas Nelson for suppling this free book for me to read and review.

The Heart of the Story by Randy Frazee

2011-09-21T00:00:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wondered what you are missing? Why on earth is Numbers and Leviticus included in the Bible? Why must we suffer through some of the Old Testament.Why can't I just read the gospels and forget the rest?In his book The Heart of the Story by Randy Frazee he takes you on a journey.the thing is this journey is about YOU. It is about how God designed all of history to restore us His people.Randy steps us through many of the Major stories of the Bible from Genesis to Revelations and shows how these books and stories are apart of us.I once heard that in order to fully understand who you are you need to understand where you came from. This history included in the scriptures helps us to see God's design!The same God who has placed such detailed order and design to even the tiniest of molecules to the most distant star that no one might ever see; this same God has woven a detail into us that we need to understand.Thanks to Zondervan for giving me this chance to read this advanced copy.I recomend this book for personal, church, and small group study!I'll leave you with this video which tells you better what this book is about!

Hungry for God by Feinberg

2011-09-20T00:00:00.000-05:00

Hungry for God by Feinberg is a very easy to read, and simply written book that I received at our most recent DM conference.At that conference we had the chance to hear her speak. She is a very profound yet simple person. She spent time with a Shepherd to understand the Shepherds Psalms etc...The chapters of this book are:An Unforgettable InvitationKairos MomentsShaped by God's voiceReadinessThe Language of Godand Have you HeardIf you are looking for a quick, easy, light, yet thought provoking read to help your time with God then check out this book.

Not Of this World by Barreto

2011-09-17T12:08:00.001-05:00

Recently received a great book. Not of this World is the story of Aurelio Barreto III who was from Cuba at the time Castro took over.The book tells his story of coming over as a refugee and then becoming a Millionare but how that didn't fill his void.He has since started a great clothing company called NOTW or Not Of this World. The clothes there are great.Check out the book and the clothes at www.c28.com

Kids titles on Adoption

2011-09-15T17:01:00.000-05:00

so as many of you know we are adopting! If you are following this blog and haven't caught on yet: WE ARE ADOPTING!!!Very excited about it. But as with any change a new sibling brings, such as an infant, there is the anxioty that children feel.Add to that the fact that adopting may change the birth order of our children, we are trying to be cognitive of this and not have a new oldest or new youngest.We also are trying to keep the order of sexes the same, Girl, boy, girl, boy etc... just like the Dutch Blitz game for all you Menonites and none 'devil' card playing people out there... HAHA...We are trying to help out kids be prepared for this. We are continually asking them how they feel or think about a new child, helping them to understand what these children might need from mom and dad for a while etc...Another part of it is that we are giving them books to look at to understand the culture and the adopted child.One book was a Borders clearance book!

This is all about China's culture etc..Then adoption specific we found 3 titles:1) At home in this World by MacLeodthis book helps to see adoption from the adopted childs eyes. Our oldest liked this book.

2) Is that your sister by BuninThis book helps them to prepare to answer people's questions about your new sibling!

3) A Sister For Matthew by KennedyThis is the story of a child who is processing the soon to be adopted child that is joining his family. Good for all ages.

So if ever concidering how your kids would do if you too were to adopt check out these titles!

Adoption Reading

2011-09-13T11:11:00.001-05:00

So if any of you are interested in adopting... be WARNED!! You will read alot! First you are required to read 5 books from a list on parenting, but once you start reading you either are intruiged like I was or you are scared. In both cases it causes you to read MORE!!! here is the list of books I have read so far on the Adoption: 1) The Whole Life Adoption Book by Schooler and Atwood

2) Raising Adopted Children by Melina

3) Parenting isn't for Cowards by Dobson

4) Adopting the Hurt Child by Keck and Kupecky

5) Adopting the Older Child by Jewett

6) Attaching in Adoption by Gray

7) How it feels to be Adopted by Kremenrtz

8) Different Children, Different Needs by Boyd

9) Adoption Parenting by MacLeod and Macrae, PHD

Am I now a certified expert? Absolutly not! Maybe a bit more prepared...but at least more knowledgeable about where to turn for help. IE.. We can't do it on our own and GOD will be my first stop!

My Journals of Mexico

2011-09-12T23:15:00.000-05:00

Sept. 5th, 2011

I'm back in Mexico. It feels as though I am a child who was longing for the security of Home and have been away for a period of time. I always have this sense of safety, tranquility, peace, serenity, joy. All these things wash over me as I write this. Cleansing the filth, decay and worldly things off my back.Despite our issues getting a group here; Satan was fighting us at every step, yet he will not win because a greater cause is at stake. God's cause.We did a cookout at Douglas. I didn't get to see around at all the new items as I stayed and helped to cook. I did get to spend alot of time talking with Lonnie Clouse. He had worked for Nascar as the Chaplain before coming to work at Back2Back.My highlight for the day was when Pamela saw me and was excited to give me a hug. The joy on her face was... I can't come up with a strong or expressive enough word to describe that feeling. She at one point told me "Thank You" in English and was so proud of that. My prayer that night:God,I am open; Fill me.I am ready; so use me.I am yours; control me.I am unclean; purify me.I am sin personified; Sanctify me.May I always Intentionally seek after you.1Kings 2:1 "Be Strong and Show yourself a Man!"______________________________________________________________________________________________Tuesday September 6th, 2011 - AM

After getting to bed after midnight, I still set my alarm for 6 am this morning. This is my Mexico ritual. I anticipated eagerly this morning what God has for myself and the group today. I found I was waking up multiple times (Every 10 to 15 min's for 2 hours). It was if I were a child and it was my Birthday or Christmas morning.How I want everyday to be like that.I want to eagerly anticipate what God has for me.To be excited to seek Him; to commune with Him and be Still in Him.God Help me to know more then just rumors of your fame. My highlight was the story of a 7 year old who came to Mexico. He mother was talking about how hard she felt it was not being able to communicate. This 7 year old overheard and said "mom, They smile in English."The Mountains were hidden slightly from view this morning. Similar to God's plan for my life. I felt Him as clearly as someone sitting next to me say "Not yet; but soon!"Lord Help me to wait in expectation on you.______________________________________________________________________________________________Tuesday Sept 6th, 2011 - PM

We started the day with devotions and small group. Then God hit me.We toured a home with new house parents Oscar and Ellen. They in Spanish asked how many times we had all been to Back2Back. Our pastor is pretty good with Spanish and was telling them once for most of the group, twice for him and too many for me (like 13 he said). She looked at me and said in Spanish "Maybe God is calling you here!"I was overwhelmed in my spirit. First the am conversation with God I mentioned before and now this. It felt like such a confirmation in my spirit.We then worked at the Cadaryta Rio. They guys put a metal roof on the church, while the ladies played and sorted clothes. Before we served them supper we did a play acting of David and Goliath with the kids! It was so much fun and got lots of laughs!It was a blessing to see Pastor Angel and his passion.It was hard to see a mother and her son both HIV positive, living in deplorable conditions above the church in a room with only half a roof. I was filled with Joy when Makenna and Mariah had kids latched on to them while playing a game etc...God use me today to shine. Use me to shine through!_______________________________________________________________________________________________Wednesday Sept 7th, 2011 - am

This morning Greg lead a devotional. It was on BEING the Beatitudes; not one but all of them. 2 Amazing things hit me.First he brought this thought to mind:Everything Jesus did he did by total dependance on God. If I were fully reliant and being Christ like then His truth that we can do as He did is true. If you are like Christ the World will love you; if you are Christ Like the world will hate you.Second he prayed that the Holy Spirit would fill us and be our source. At that moment a rush of sensation came flooding over me.God you are Awesome!Empty me out and fill me with only you.May I always seek you first.________________________________________________________________________________________________Wednesday Sept. 7th, 2011 - pm

Wednesday was amazing. We, after the devotional I mentioned earlier, went to Del Norte.First we played with the 5 infants. One of these girls was Downs Syndrome. This effected me with doubts about my ability to adopt a special needs child with this or any other severe issue. But it did cause me to pray, consider and think it through.Then we worked hard. We did a concrete pour for the roof of a second story building. All day, about 5 hours, we did this. I was on the scaffold lifting buckets. After we finished we learned that they did this before with 18 people and struggled. Our group of 7 did it and finished. No complaining!God help me to never forget you use the small and poor in spirit.________________________________________________________________________________________________Thursday Sept. 8th, 2011

Today we took the "good kids" from Del Norte to the zoo. These were the kids who had done homework, behaved at the home etc..We also picked up Antonio, my sister's family Shelter child, and Pamela. I was able to spend the whole day with Pamela. It was great.I used my phone for Google Translator and told her a couple of things.First, I had a gift for her and told her that this is a birthday gift for you because God loves you and so does my family.I then told her to promise she would work hard in school, Pray and Learn to love Jesus Christ more.I told her how special her letters are, and that she was like family to me and I loved her.My highlight was when Pamela fell asleep with her head in my lap. The trust I felt. The love and desire to protect her. I left wanting to write her more and guide her in her life with Christ and her love for others.God help me Learn to be a father by encouraging both Dakotah and Pamela.______________________________________________________________________________________________Friday Sept. 9th 2011

It is very clear and evident to me what God is telling me. I need to Intentionally seek him. Instead of picking up my computer, I need to pick up the word, or a book."Come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest".Yesterday I was transfixed by how rest could effect me. When Pamela "rested" on me, it showed me her Trust. It showed me alot.This morning is very bittersweet. I am ready to see my kids, to hug them. But yet I will miss this peace. I will miss the tranquility of the mountains. The awesomeness of God.Lord, I want to live life for you, completely. But that takes intentional effort. Please help me to make this. Give me strength, and wisdom, and understanding.In you I find my strength.'______________________________________________________________________________________________Friday Sept. 9th 2011

I'm writing this from Houston airport. Gate E9. We are in the US... yet my mind and heart are still in Mexico. My mind is thinking about how I can write and share my thoughts with Pamela and Dakotah; thoughts about being Children of Christ, loving Him more, and working hard in school.God help me to put my emotions to word, to thought. Help me to be a father to my kids and to put to words what I need to in order to help Pamela grow in Christ.To you be all glory and honor forever and ever. Amen.

2011 Monterrey Mexico Mission Trip

2011-09-12T20:06:00.000-05:00

I was wanting to share my thoughts with everyone about the most recent trip to Mexico that I led for New Life Garage and New Life Network; but I wasn't sure where to start.How do you sum up an experience like this? How do you narrow the shifts that occur in your life in the confines of the English language?On this post I am going to share with you just a simple overview of what we did.We arrived on Monday evening and after the hour ride to the LDM (Lugar De Misericordia) we went to my favorite place Casa Hogar Douglas whose team captain is a Great man of God and friend, Jim Betscher. While there we did a cookout for all the kids of the home.

Then on Tuesday we went to one of the squatter's villages the Cadaryta. This is ran by Pastor Angel who was an amazing man whose trust of God has called him to this place. We were at his Church doing some work. There was not a solid roof, so we were putting on a temporary tin roof.

There is a mother who is living in a home on this roof. Her husband recently passed away leaving her and her children homeless. He passed away from HIV complications. She and her oldest also have HIV. Would you live in these conditions?

We also did a play for the kids and feed them supper.

Wednesday we worked all day at Del Norte with the kids. From playing with them to then a full concrete pour on a roof... it was 5 hours of long hard work.

Then Thursday we took the kids from Del norte to the zoo. It was a neat trip because instead of taking the entire home we took only the kids who deserved it! It was a very special day for me as Dakotah's pen pal, my shelter child, Pamela got to go with us! She lives at the Douglas home. It was very special for me!

Then Friday we were on our way home!

Does Love Win and hell is Erased?

2011-09-12T19:17:00.002-05:00

A Comparison of 2 books.

I recently read the book Love Wins by Rob Bell… With all the controversy (Even the company I work for decided not to carry the book), caused me to be intrigued. So I rented it from the Library.The book sits on the premise that “In the Bible God is not helpless, God is not powerless, and God is not impotent.” The idea is that by allowing His creation to go to hell would be making God just that. The back of the book states “God loves us. God offers us everlasting life by grace, freely, through no merit of our part. Unless you do not respond the right way. Then god will torture you forever. In hell. HUH?”Bell’s chapters include What about the Flat Tire, Here is the New Hear, Hell, Does God get what God Wants, Dying to Live, There are Rocks Everywhere, The Good News is Better Then That, and The End is Here.I then decided to read a second book. Erasing Hell: What God said about Eternity and What We Made Up by Francis Chan.

The chapters are: Does Everyone Go to Heaven, Has Hell Changed or have we, What Jesus Actually Said about Hell, What Jesus’ followers Said about Hell, What Does This Have to Do With Me, What if God?, Don’t Be Overwhelmed.So what are the differences and similarities? First off these books have a couple similarities. Both use scripture, but to different degree’s. Bell used a verse or 2 without much context in order to make His Points while I found that Chan used entire passages, in context, with multiple other passages in order to make his point THROUGH the lenses of Scripture. Second they both talk about Tradition. Bell in his typical fashion uses a lot of Jewish tradition which has always been fascinating to me and still is. The issue is that this tradition can often be well after the fact of the events or context. One such was the illustration about Gahanna and that people of the day would have been familiar with that; yet Chan points out that Jewish Rabbi’s have shown that this was not used to describe the area until much later in time. Chan on the other side uses the same ‘canonical’ proof that was used for defining the scripture, i.e... EYE witness. He shows what views Jew’s of the day had as well as the Followers of Christ in the days after his death and resurrection. So why is this a dangerous Gospel?As a parent, if I saw my 6 year old son going outside to stand at midnight in the middle of the Highway should I look at him and ask him questions? “Why have you picked black instead of say Orange?” “Why this hour and not noon?” Or knowing that he was making a wrong decision I should be doing everything in my power to stop and flag him down.Bell in his typical fashion asks lots of questions and makes statements that can be taken in many different ways. Now as a (and I say this with as much modesty and pray as I can) longer term and grounded Christian, I can read his book in light of my knowledge of scripture. While a new believer can be sucked into the ‘emotions’ that he discussed in the book. Multiple times it comes down not to scripture, or even tradition, but to the ‘feeling’ or ‘emotion’ that it is unfair of God. While on the other hand in a very frank manner Chan states everything through the solid foundation of multiple scriptures. He challenges you to think not with your emotions and what you ‘feel’ should be God’s response but the truth of scripture and the words of Jesus and his Apostles.So by now you should be able to tell that Bell’s book I didn’t want to finish. At many times I was sick at the lack of clarity that I expected of a well known Pastor; while Chan’s book had me involved in the depth of church history and knee deep in scripture references and I couldn’t put it down! This is a conversation between scholars that has been going on for years, and I know will not be resolved by a blogger in Maryland. But there you have it. My 2 cents.Erasing Hell: Strongly recommend for purchaseLove Wins: recommend reading to understand the ‘emotions’ behind this issue but not for its bias. Some additional resources:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnrJVTSYLr8 http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2011/julyweb-only/francis-chan-hell.html

It's your Kid, NOT A GERBIL!!!

2011-08-29T12:55:00.002-05:00

Kevin Leham is a author and Psychologist who has written many great books. He has a new one coming out and here is your chance to win something and check it out.
His parenting techniques are new and very effective. He has a series of How to books that are very informational yet easy to read.
My all time favorite is still the Birth Order Book, but I'll tell you I'm waiting for the Have a New WIFE by Friday book... but I don't think he'll ever write that one! TOO DANGEROUS!!!

Check out the link to the contest.
http://www.tyndale.com/blog/?p=1243

Another update on the adoption!

2011-08-22T22:14:00.001-05:00

Okay, so July 22nd was my last post. Today is August 22nd, 1 month later and a lot has taken place.
Tonight was our first Home Study visit… but lets back up.
So July we were still working on paperwork etc.. We received a call that they wanted to do our home study first visit the first week of August. We were already planning a trip to Indiana for vacation and then I had a work conference so we couldn’t make it… I sent an email to them and stated we couldn’t be there, oh and by the way if you do it the first of each month I’ll be in Mexico on a missions trip in September.
So we worked out to do it on Monday the 29th. Then yesterday we get a call after church that we needed to do it THIS week… So tonight we had our first meeting, and turned in about 85% of our paperwork!

But let’s step back, since tonight we had to pay our fee’s for the adoption Home Study. This was $2,122. So while we were in Indiana/Michigan we went to a family reunion with Mandy’s mother’s side. It was a fun and relaxing weekend. But the thing that was a GOD thing was that they took up an offering and gave it to us for the adoption. It was $1321! That with what we had saved up came just in time to pay this!

Things are still moving and moving fast. With the large amount of our paperwork in we will be finishing the Home Study in less then 4 weeks. So keep praying!

And I will try to keep you updated in less then 1 month this time!
Thanks

Paws and Tales 4

2011-08-12T21:54:00.001-05:00

There are very few items that my kids all 4 can agree on and LOVE. Paws and Tales is one of these things! I recently received the new DVD Paws and Tales 4 Putting Others First. I received it free from Tyndale Entertainment in order to blog about it. My children could not wait to watch it, in fact they had my box open and DVD unwrapped and watched before I even got home.

As a parent I want to “Train up a child in the way they should grow.” These DVD’s help with this. Here is the product description from Tyndale:
Using colorful animation, fun characters, and great lessons, Paws & Tales is an exciting tool for helping build godly character into kids. Based on the Paws & Tales national broadcast radio program presented by Chuck Swindoll’s Insight for Living, the Paws & Tales videos communicate biblical truth and show kids how they can apply it to real life. Kids will be captivated by the adventure, caught up in the laughter, and carried away in the fun . . . and the whole time they’ll be on their way to understanding solid Bible theology. This fourth DVD in the series is based on Matthew 22:39 and Philippians 2:3 and includes two episodes that teach kids about putting others first. In episode #1, “A Race against Time,” CJ and Staci risk disappointing Paw Paw Chuck to help someone in need. In episode #2, “The Hire Principle,” Tiffany learns to put the feelings of others ahead of her own.

So to sum up, you want a DVD for your kids that teaches not only good morals like PBS does, but one that teaches these with strong BIBLICAL learning and songs that reinforce the message; then THIS is your series!

This comes from the teaching of Chuck Swindoll and all ages will enjoy it!
This is one that I will gladly say I fully recommend!! Check it out today at your local Christian Bookstores.

Rumors of God

2011-07-23T15:45:00.002-05:00

In my life I have often felt that I had great potential but not living up to it… Many of us have that. Especially in my walk with Christ there are times where I feel and have felt like there was so much more that I was missing. Why do I fall for the typical sin? Why do I not keep up a consistent devotional life?
Sometimes these doubts and questions are hard to vocalize. Growing up as a preacher’s kid it was difficult to give voice to any questions to my teachers etc… especially when I had a better knowledge of the Bible then some of them. Then as an adult I have always been put into positions of leadership in the church.
But a book I have just read is changing my thought on this.

“Rumors of God” by Darren Whitehead and Jon Tyson was given to me for free from Thomas Nelson to review. In this book we see the passage from Hezekiah being discussed. Here we find the prophet crying out “Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord. Renew them in our day; in our time make them known in wrath remember mercy.” In other words… I know you are AWESOME and have done amazing things. I know because I have read the stories; but I have never experienced it.

Book Description

Rumors of God is a call to Christians seeking a vision of the life God is calling them to, one that transcends the shallowness of our culture.

Most Christians today live with tension. What is promised in the Scriptures seems like a far cry from what we experience in our lives. As a result, we can lose our passion to live out our faith in the world, and the God of Scripture seems more a series of rumors of divinity than actual tangible, accessible reality.

As our world grows more ungodly, it often feels as if the future of the people of God hangs in the balance. In the seventh century B.C., the prophet Habakkuk also fell prey to a spirit of discouragement, and he penned these words: "LORD, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, LORD. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy."

Today we live in a similar spiritual and cultural moment to that of Habakkuk, and we, too, long to renew the words and deeds of God in our time. Like Habakkuk we question the future of the church and of God’s mission in our lives.

In Rumors of God, authors Darren Whitehead and Jon Tyson call us to reject what is plausible, and to cry out for God to bring what is possible in our lives and in the church. It will resonate with Christians seeking a vision of the life God is calling them to, one that transcends the shallowness of our culture.

This book renewed a cry in my heart for God to SHOW me His glory. To shine through me so that people would look at me as they did at Moses when he came down from the mountain and just knew he had been with God.

This book really helped me to think through first that it is okay to express my questions or fears. As well it helped me to see ways that we can live out our life by showing GODS love to others.

Some of the chapters include:
The Sculptor’s Shop: Rumors of Abundant Life
The Faith You’ve Only Heard About: Rumors of Love
Getting the Gospel in Order: Rumors of Grace
Giving up your Rights: Rumors of Freedom
The Greenroom: Rumors of Justice
And many others.

If you are seeking a book to renew a passion for God, a renewed vigor to experience who He is and what he wants to do in this world; then this book will help you!

2011-07-22T10:35:00.001-05:00

As many of you know WE ARE ADOPTING!!! As much of a challenge as that presents, God continues to challenge us in adopting 2, a boy and girl. If He wills then so be it…

Already we have had lots of questions, from well meaning people. Sometimes you feel like a pregnant women who is ready to SLUG the next person who says “Are you still pregnant”… But it is just out of curiosity that people ask.

So I wanted to answer some of these questions as well as tell you how you, our friends and family, can help us.

First off the questions:
Why adopting: Short answer; because we have felt God telling us to “Look after the Orphan” for years and as we do that through missions etc. we see that it’s one thing to go or write a check but another to really take care of an orphan. We fell that God is telling us it is time. I could go on for hours on this topic… I could tell you stories of how God has directed my life from the very first missions trip to Jamaica, to my Trip to China with the James Fund, Steven Curtis Chapman among others and a Family who was adopting. Or I could tell you about the passion God has given me to help the orphan and the 10+ trips to Mexico and Guatemala that I have had the opportunity to lead with the James fund. Or I could tell you about how He gave me the opportunity to help on the ground floor of a new company Good Goers where we take our Family Christian Stores guests on trips with us to these places…. Or about how God has enabled me to help our network of 5 churches in their Missions by becoming the Network missions Trip Coordinator. And so on… Every where I have turned God has continued to challenge and develop myself and my family towards this.

Why not locally: This is a big one for many people. Personally, I can just that is not what God wanted. Yet now that people ask I have been thinking through some of the things that others might say. First off in America we do not have the old fashion Orphanage style of child care. In fact we do have a SYSTEM to care for these children. In many other countries there is not a system. There may be a sweet old woman or a couple who have started a home, but not a government system. Does that mean that American orphans don’t need care or love? Not in the least. The second thing that causes many to not adopt locally is that there have been legal precedents set where a birth parent can get the child back 5 or 10 years later. There is no finality to the adoption where as from other countries there are.

Why China: It all starts with my trip in 2004. I saw things that broke my heart for China. The people, the culture… I could tell you stories of a man who when our bus stopped about 2 hours out of Beijing, he walked a mile across his field (With a pink umbrella… don’t believe me see the picture in my office sometime!). He told us how the government came in and bought his land that he didn’t want to sell. Yes they paid him fairly and set him up for life, but his family had been on that same land as farmers since before the Dynasty’s.
I could tell you about standing on a wall that is so old that parts have even been forgotten. To see names inscribed possibly by the fingers of slaves who died to create this wonder.
But mainly I would tell you of Zehong. It was at a home for Mentally Handicapped adults that we met her. She was 12 years old and stuck out due to her ‘normal’ nature. She was not suppose to be in this home, yet due to sexual and physical abuse by those who were her protectors at previous orphanages, she and a friend ended up here. Then the friend was adopted and she was left alone. Now at the age of 12 she knew that in less then 1 year she was on her own.
While we were there she took a liking to my $5.00 sun glasses so I gave them to her. She wore them all day while showing us her hula hoop skills, and jump roping skills. She also wore them as she helped to take care of those who were in the home. Then when the full day was done she tried to give them back. I grabbed the interpreter and explained they were a gift for her. It broke my heart when at that moment she opened up. She had never been given anything. She shared the story of abuse, and how she just wanted to be loved.
I came home to the states and did everything I could to adopt her. In fact one of the high ranking officials from my company tried as well, but it was not to be.
That is what endeared my heart to China.

SO WHAT CAN YOU DO:
First off: PRAY!! We will need it as this is a tough process filled with lots of paperwork and potential delays!

Second to prayer we will need your help and support financially if possible.
The cost for adopting 1 is around $36,000. To adopt a second child could cause it to go up to around $40,000.

Over the next few months we will be seeking your help.
There will be 3 ways for you to help.
1) Flower Bulb orders. We will be selling Flower Bulbs for $6.00 each. These Bulbs will be shipped to us to deliver so this might not be the best for those who do not live in our area.
2) Adoption Bug T-shirts: We will be setting up a page with T-shirts that allow you to purchase an adoption shirt and help us.
3) Lord Willing, we are applying for a matching grant through work with Lifesong. This is a $5,000 matching grant which means if we can raise $5,000 it will be matched giving us $10,000!

So please pray for us and pray how God would have you to join us in our journey.
Mandy and I will be adding more to the blog’s to try to keep everyone in touch with the process…

Here is some contact info for all of you:
Curtis’ blog: www.idratherbecaving.blogspot.com
Mandy’s blog: www.mandysabusymommy.blogspot.com
Or find us both on Facebook.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and potential future support!

Coming Back Stronger with Drew Brees

2011-07-04T09:04:00.001-05:00

I have to admit, I am a guy who does not watch football until the Supper Bowl. So to me a book by a football start was not something I looked forward to reading. I was not a Saints fan. Yet now I have to say, I am a Drew Brees fan.

This book was sent to me free from Tyndale to review. The story of adversity and overcoming this adversity shows a strong leadership quality in Drew’s life.

As with anything you can read this book as a skeptic of another start saying they are ‘Christians’. Is he serious? Is he for real? Is his walk deep, or strong? Does he believe as I would believe?

Well, the book does not go into detail of his doctrinal foundation but his quotes about relying on God for strength are commendable. Drew portrays a humble spirit that shows that he knew he didn’t do it but God who worked through him.

So If you are a Fan of Sports or just want to hear about the tragedy of life and overcoming through Christ then this is your book!

Daddy Dates by Greg Wright

2011-07-04T08:46:00.003-05:00

As my daughter continues to get older and more mature, I keep trying to figure out ways to spend time with her. Wrestling, won't work. Arm Wrestle.. nope... Playing with Cars... no. Dolls.. too immature now for her. I AM OUT OF IDEAS!

So what do I do? I am a typical guy who can't even come up with ideas for my anniversary. Doesn't mean I don't love the women in my life, it just means I am CLUELESS!!!

I recently received the book Daddy Dates by Greg Wright from Thomas Nelson to read for free and blog about. This book had numerous GREAT ideas written by a GUY!!!

It wasn't a lady trying to tell us clueless dad's how to treat our daughters and make things special, it was written from one CLUELESS dad to another!

I would highly recommend you check this book out if you have a daughter of ANY age. This book even has comments for the divorced dad on how to continue to be apart of their lives as your daughters need!

Check it out! You won't regret this! AND NEITHER WILL YOUR DAUGHTER!

What Happened to my Little Girl by Nancy Rue

2011-07-04T08:44:00.001-05:00

I'm a guy... yes I know it... but I don't always have to ACT like it.
I recently received the book "What Happened to my Little Girl" by Nancy Rue and Jim Rue. And it came at a great time.

I keep thinking I have years to go with the kids... years to watch them grow up.
Yet the other day I woke up and found my oldest daughter is in 3rd grade.
Then in the mail I get this book free from Zondervan to read.

There is a Disney film called "Old Dogs" where Robin Williams learns he has twins who are 7 he never knew about. Through this movie he tries to be a `dad' to them and has no clue. He blunders through it, and stumbles through it.. making a mockery of it all.
But in the end he learns that sometimes it is more simple then we make it out to be.

This book has many topics and helpful hints for Dad's dealing with their TWEEN age daughters. I do have to say I was shocked when I saw that TWEEN is considered to start at 8! Oh BOY!!!

Some of the topics are:
Can Somebody Tell Me What's Going on?
What happened to my Little Girl?
She'll Be Crying in a Minute
We Need another Bathroom
Who Is She Today?
Dealing with Girl Drama
I Liked It better When Boys Had Cooties

So dad's... you can either go out and by 3 things:
1) A GLASS BOX
2) Straight Jacket
And 3) Shotgun

Or you can purchase ONE thing, THIS BOOK to learn how to love, cherish and protect your TWEEN daughter!
Check it out for all you CLUELESS dad's like me!

The Journey to adopt....

2011-05-09T20:40:00.000-05:00

You read that right 'The Journey to ADOPT'

So not sure where to begin this post... I am writing this over a longer period of time as we were waiting to make the announcement but I also wanted to journal the events that led up to it..

So do I start back in 2004 when I was in China holding baby Jamie who was dying in my arms? Do I tell my story of Zhihong who was left at the home and brought to tears that I would 'GIVE' her a gift even one as simple as my sunglasses?

Do I tell about the time 3 years ago that I requested information from an agency only to let it sit around and never look at it...

Or I do I tell you about 3 weeks before today (5/2/11) when Bill who works at my Waldorf, MD location sent me an email out of the blue about a conference he and his wife were putting on at a local church. Or do I tell you how I immediately told him that I had previous obligations etc..

Maybe I start with how days later God challenged me and told me 'It's TIME to pursue what He has for me." Just as clear as that I heard/Felt it in my heart!

That Saturday (4/30/11) Mandy and I went to his presentation. This was a presentation put on by AWAA who just so happened to be on the trip with me to China back in 2004. Brian Luwis was/is the founder and was with us on the trip.

AWAA stands for American World Adoption Agency. So unbeknownst to Mandy until the week of the event I had registered us for this event. We went and felt God's tugging both looking at each other saying it's ABOUT TIME to the other one.

So then later on Saturday we took pictures of the family and filled out the application to adopt. We also sat the kids down and asked them what they thought about that. All of them said I would love to have another SISTER AND brother! We hadn't been thinking 2... Yet every time we turned around we keep feeling like God 'has big things in store for our family'.

That night when Mandy and I prayed over this I inadvertently, while trying to be non-gender specific so as not to feel like I was leading one way or another (EVEN THOUGH I WANTED A GIRL), I asked for God to reach down and touch whoever he has prepared for us and let "THEM" know we are coming for them... I said Amen and Mandy looked at me and said "DO you realize what you just said? Them as in PLURAL!"

Then on 5/2 we took some friends out to Supper. Joseph and April Cox had just finished adopting a baby from China. So we talked through the whole time frame, the process, their worries their fears.. the after shocks, the $$$ Shocks etc.. It was a great night. While we talked the kids all played in the corner.

That night Mandy was tucking the boys in and Gavin said "Mommy we need to pray" and he proceeded to ask that Jesus help us to adopt his new Brother and Sister. She then went to find Skylar kneeling at her bed praying that we would be able to afford to adopt her new SISTER And BROTHER!!! This is very unusual! We pray with our kids but (unfortunately) not nightly...

So we keep coming back to "God has big things in store for our family!!

Not one week after we filled out the application we were contacted and APPROVED! We expected to be contacted in the 7 to 10 days but not approved!! It was so exciting.
We then spent the entire weekend completing the 8 hours of on-line study required by the Hauge Convention... That was very interesting and informative of all the 'issues' that could arise from Attachment dis-orders, to anger to..... you name it. Yet through the whole thing I knew that my God was bigger then any of these.

So on Friday the 6th of May we called Mandy's mom and told her.. then we called my Parent's and told them.. The kids yelled "You're going to be a Grandma again... but not the way you think!!!"

Then on Sunday the 8th we told some friends at church and started to tell our small group and others... Mandy was having fun by posting a cryptic facebook status about it as well..

Her status was:
Happy mothers day to me... The Cecil house is gonna get crazier!!!

This really got people questioning:
Are you Pregnant, are you moving, ARE YOU GETTING A Dog??

So I put on the following comment:
we Are the pirates who Don’t dO anything we just stay home and lay around and if you ask us to do anything we’ll just tell you we don’t do anything cause we’re the Pirates who don’T do anythIng we just stay hOme and lay arouNd and if you ask us to do anything we’ll just tell you we don’t do anything!!

To which Mandy changed her status to:
so exCited for tHe wInk, wiNk... prAy for me!

So by now some of our friends understood the CRYPTOGRAPHIC notes in the message!

But for those who didn't get it I posted:
How about them washington CAPITALS... LOL!!!

We were still amazed that many didn't get it..
So here we are... It's 5/9 our world is going to change for the better and we are announcing to the world that we are ADOPTING from CHINA!!

It can be a bit of a process and we have just begun but God is bigger then the process. We are also adopting Special needs (Which can be color blindness to much more difficult issues) and GOD is bigger then those.
And it will cost $30,000+ and I keep having to remind myself that GOD IS bigger then that!

Funny how I can trust him on so much and yet I worry about the money!
Still praying for the finances.. but again my GOD is bigger then all of that!

Hope you will all join us on the journey in prayer!

Destined for Failure

2011-04-30T16:19:00.001-05:00

Another really old thing I wrote...
___________________________________________________________

Destined for Failure!

By
Curtis A. Cecil

This story begins 25 years ago. It was a dark and stormy night…well I guess it may not have been. I was born on September 21st, 1979 in Richmond, Indiana, I was the 4th born to George and Tawne Cecil. My father was a minister. That is where this story begins.
So there you have it. How did that destine me for failure? It didn’t! So what is the point of this book? Well, I am not sure! You see this story begins with a preacher’s kid.
We were your typical ministering family. Mom played Piano and dad preached. My father taught me first hand what it meant to be destined to failure. But let’s leave something for later.
We moved like most preachers’ do, I was born in Richmond, In. At 6 months we moved to Coldwater, Michigan. We then moved just after my 6th birthday to Burnips, Michigan. A small town in Dutch area, where you introduced everyone with a ‘Van’ or ‘Von’ in front of their name and all churches were called ‘reformed’. I had never heard of a Wesleyan Reformed church till then.
Then at the age of 9 we left Burnips, and moved to ‘home’. Home was a small 8ft X 8ft cabin on our church camp grounds. This cabin was the one consistent place in my entire life. My parents bought this cabin in 1975. After 3 months there we moved to Orlando, Florida. Then 4 years later like clock work we moved again to Merriam, Indiana. From a bustling megaplex like Orlando to a small hick country town like Merriam. Population was 1,200 but only 200 were alive the rest were in the cemetery.
Preachers are humans too: All too often we as the body of Christ think that Preachers are special, infallible. So repeat after me, “PREACHERS ARE HUMANS TOO” one more time…. You get the point. But this is one major point. Too many times a pastor and his family will move to a new church, things are going great for around 2 years, The congregation loves him and his family, but then it happens. The carpet needs changed. Who gets to make the decision? The church board! Who gets the blunt of church war for tearing out the carpet that was donated 43 years ago in honor of a dead relative…? You guessed it!! The preacher.
Okay maybe that hasn’t happened at your church but what about this: The pastor is great. Every service you think how much more you are getting out of him then you were at your old church you left 4 months ago. I mean you had to leave, why you weren’t getting anything out of the service. With all those sermons on evangelizing and those salvation messages, who was that guy talking too a bunch of unsaved people? No! He was talking to his flock, the white sheep. So you had to go but now you found the perfect church. I mean this pastor is great. He hasn’t preached about evangelizism or tithing or anything uncomfortable at all. He doesn’t challenge me to live life different, he ‘accepts’ me the way that I am.
So each of those last 2 scenarios may be a bit stretched but you get the point! Did you see yourself in any of those? If we are honest we all would. The devil uses those 2 areas to break up his church the most: 1) Tradition and 2) growth. So let’s take a deeper look at both of these.
Tradition: (Look at scripture and what the Bible says about this!)
Visit many churches now and you could almost guess their order of worship. Even the largest most ‘seeker’ oriented church has an order. This is their tradition. When we were living in Burnips, Mi. my father would make jokes about an occurrence that was anything but a joke.
Burnips was a very large Dairy town. If you’ve ever meet a dairy farmer you know that they have a schedule. Nothing gets in the way of that schedule. Every Sunday my Father would get up to preach and be caught up in his sermon when, beep, beep, beep the alarms went off. This was the clue for 4-5 of the farmers to get up and leave. Talk about spoiling the spirit.
Most churches are like that. Whether by people or time constraints due to the second service being 45 min after the first and we got to have the parking lot empty, pastors are rushed. We don’t let the Spirit run our churches, we run the Spirit. Let me tell you; beware of grieving the Holy Spirit. With out him no church can survive.
Growth: (Milk and Meat_) I love hearing the number one excuses that people have for leaving a church, “we just weren’t getting fed,” I also love the response one pastor gave after hearing this excess, “If you would feed yourself Monday thru Saturday, you wouldn’t need to gorge yourself in one day!!” How true. People, we have no clue how nutritious the word of God is to our soul. Paul talks about Christians crying and begging for meat, yet when given more than milk they choke. Jesus even said, “Why give the dogs, what is sacred?” He wasn’t saying we shouldn’t but…. In business when you want to sell an item you must first find a market. You test and get to know your buyer. With the Word of God we must know our Listener. If our listener has never opened a Bible in their life, then we probably ought not start quoting KJV, or even NIV for that matter. Show them the NLT etc... The point is give them what they need. Don’t force feed Doctrine to a new believer who is still basking in the Glory that God loves them. We must learn to understand what Paul meant when he told us that we are above the law. It’s not that we will sin and be okay; it’s that we know will do as much as possible so as not to sin.
Oh, but brother Earl over there is a smoker and that is a sin!! Folks, ‘He who is without sin cast the first stone!” It’s been said, people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. God will direct them. We need to encourage them and be there for them that way when God does tell them it is time to give over to him another area of their life they will need our help and we will be there for them. You have to take dying slow.
That is dying to your self. Remember in Biology class how they taught you to kill a frog. Set the frog in cold water in a pan and then slowly bring up the water, it just slowly kills the frog. That is how our life is in Sin. God doesn’t douse us with Holy water say your all mine now, and expect us to let go of everything. He slowly begins to make things evident that we are doing that displease him and we begin to give them up. It’s easier to give things up then it is to have them taken away!
So why is this so hard to do? Because we are wrestling with the enemy:
In Gen 28. we read about Jacob’s ladder!! He saw a ladder going to heaven and angels climbing up and down. When he awoke he knew that God was there and he had been unaware. We miss God in those times because all we see is the earthquake, fire and famine and we miss the still small voice that Elijah heard! There is more that happens in the spiritual realm that we need to war against. We spend too much time letting Satan win by fighting each other, C.S. Lewis masterfully shows this parallel in his book the Screwtape Letters! The book portrays a lower level demon reporting to a higher level demon. They talk about how to best defeat a person. They even talk about how to destroy a Christians witness and their lives. Satan can’t keep everyone from being saved but he will do his best to keep us from showing them how.
That is why it is so important that we give up these stupid quarrels among the church. What if when someone felt upset with a church they went to their knees to rid Satan from working in their church? I know they would see a huge difference in those ‘so called’ problems that were so big they thought they needed to leave. It’s SATAN!! Distraction, deception, conniving, manipulation, LIES!!!! That is what he is all about.
I read a book awhile ago about Brother Yun. Brother Yun went through some amazing things; his story is one that will show you the power of prayer. But one thing that he mentioned in his life hit me. He talked about what God had been doing in China, the revival that was spreading, and then man got involved. Up until that point the revival was happening without real preachers and with very few Bibles. So what did they want, more Bibles. Well, Satan had a plan. He sent Bibles to them from everywhere. Why would I say that Satan sent them? Because those bringing the Bibles came with agendas. They didn’t come to embrace that which God was doing; they came to make it better. Like God needed their help. They started teaching doctrine. Not the basic but denominational different doctrine. Before too long the men of God who had brought this revival were not even talking to each other. Why? Because Satan had used these issues to spring up like weeds and choke them. Soon the differences of denominations were keeping 2 close brothers in the Lord apart for over 15 years with no contact.
This fits in with America too. We work against each other and aren’t working with each other. Thus Satan is still wining the fight in keeping us from full-filling having the power of God in our church and ministry’s!!
If Satan can’t keep a person from being saved he will keep them from saving others! How does he do this? He keeps us self concerned. Ask a good marriage counselor and they will tell you the down fall of any relationship is self centeredness.
When we find ourselves more concerned with what we can get out of it we forget the whole meaning of life! Jesus said he didn’t come to be served but to serve others. (Mt. 20:28) What a ground breaking idea. We live in a society that tells us to look out for number one! Yet, Jesus said that we needed to learn to be a servant.
Next time you think your not self centered, just ask the bookstore clerk, or your waiter or waitress how they perceive you. I have worked almost 7 years in retail, 4 or which were in management. My first such job was a bit at a Christian Bookstore. I had worked in secular environments for about 2 years before this. I had never meet so many grouchy, angry people. The first person I had that yelled, and screamed at me (For something I knew nothing about) was a preachers wife. Over the years I have had people in fits of rage, suggest books on communication because they thought I didn’t know how although they never shut their mouths long enough to give me a chance. I had a guest at a store where I manage call one of my employees a ignortant fool. Oh, but praise God their saved!!! Do we even stop to think how we are acting. “Let your light so shine before men…” I think that must be omitted in your version of the Bible.
I want to tell you a story about unselfish behavior. It happened to me while on a trip to China.
Mountains, beautiful mountains just miles from Beijing, this is where we found ourselves heading on Good Friday. Approximately one hour out to the middle of no where in a small village. All the buildings were old and dilapidated. The only nice ones in the village were, as is typical in China, the government buildings. Even what looked like a hospital was missing windows.
WE pulled down a long rode and turned into the orphanage. We had no idea what we were in store for here. We were immediately greeted by a few of the resident elderly. Most all in this home, either young or old, had some sort of mental or physical disability.
Soon after embarking from the bus, a young girl named Zhihong came running up to greet us. She was holding a young baby and was very eager to see the visitors. She acted as if she were one of the helpers; in fact I thought she had to be a workers daughter. We walked around the building seeing the different rooms, etc. In one room was a young boy with rosy red cheeks who was fearful of us at first. Later he warmed up enough to give two of our members a kiss on the cheek.
In yet another room were some very young infants. One had a cleft pallet. Most of the upper lip was missing exposing the tongue and throat. Surgery is in store with this little one to help her, yet only if the money is available. This by appearances would definitely be hard for them to come up with.
Another child laid Crying without ceasing, until finally falling asleep. In this same room lay a small, tiny bundle of a baby. She had been abandoned at the orphanage just the day previous. She was 2-3 months premature and weighing only 1.2 kilograms. Due to money they had just given to making the child comfortable until she would fall into eternal sleep. It’s hard to imagine letting a child die! For what us seems unreal in our western thinking is a common occurrence in many other countries because they can’t afford to care for, or don’t have the medical supplies necessary to take care of the little one’s. We gave them money for the hospital but it was too little too late.
During our time at this orphanage I watched as Zhihong interacted and played with the other children. Finally it dawned on me that this perfectly normal little girl was a resident at this orphanage. I felt sorry for her situation, being the only none handicapped resident of this place. At one point she put on my sunglasses, when she looked at me grinning for the first time since our arrival I saw a normal little girl around the age of my nieces. So full of life and so limited by her surroundings, yet she was beaming with joy. A little while later I gave her my sunglasses and had our guide Sherry tell her she could keep them. Zhihong grinned from ear to ear.
When we started to pack up to leave, I felt a tap on my shoulder. There stood Zhihong trying to give me back her new sunglasses. I quickly grabbed the Chinese lady who came with us and had her tell Zhihong that they were hers to keep. The very idea of this gift was too much for the young mind. She began to weep, overwhelmed by the very idea of having someone care enough to give her a small gift.
When almost everyone was heading for the bus, I looked in the room and Zhihong was telling the Chinese lady something in tears. I came in and asked why she was so sad. I was then told her story. She had moved there with her best friend. They had both been abused at previous orphanages. Soon after moving there her best friend, her only friend, was adopted. So now here he was, 14, only a 3rd grade education, and in a home full of people very unlike her. She so wanted to be adopted and loved.
Leaving that day was very hard. Driving away I watched as this young girl stood at the gate and waved until the very last second. You could still see the tears gleaming on her cheeks. From the moment on I knew that something has to be done for these kids like Zhihong. She didn’t deserve to be there. She was a happy, beautiful young girl who needs love just like all of us.
So why did I experience this? Watching a tiny infant die, and seeing a seemingly forgotten teen? Why on Good Friday? A Day that represent Death yet leads to a glorious resurrection. Why?
Maybe it’s so that now I can come to America and help others see the need outside our own lives. We are so self-centered. Looking at everything and every event to see what we can get out of it or what we can do to make it serve our own interest. It’s kind of like staging life. It just doesn’t seem to flow as smooth as it should. But when we see what God wants us to see we finally find that smooth path. A path that gives us a sense of knowing that we have done His will. “Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying “This is the way, walk in it.” Isa 30:21. Because when this life gives way to the eternal, who we knew, where we went and who we went with will not matter to God. Only that which is done with humble humility will last beyond our selves. I don’t know about you but I would rather here “well done my GOOD and FAITHFUL Servant” and be considered with Abraham as a Friend of God then to be known on this earth. All it takes is a new generation or two before we are forgotten.
That young girl had no clue of self. She woke up in the morning, spent all day not for herself but helping others. Her life had disappeared and a schedule of others had taken place over her childhood. Yet here I sit, in my comfy house, with my family, our pets, etc... I sit here and think of all the times that I felt failure. Those times where I felt insecure.
That little girl would have given everything to have just a glimpse of a real family. Just one day, maybe one hour sitting down to a table with parents. Instead she spent her life knowing that she was unwanted, her parents had abandoned her. The workers at the other orphanage which she had known as home abused her. Isn’t home suppose to be a safe place?
Satan is warring against us in a fury that is unmatched by any of the war’s our earth has ever seen. So why should we bother. I mean there is too much hurt, too much pain, too much self-centeredness;
So why should we keep on with this if we are destined to fail? Because only in our strength failing can we truly succeed.
One of my favorite stories, because I find it funny, is the story of Gideon with his men. Gideon was a man who was afraid of committing to God. You and I, we just wish that God would speak to us, well he did to Gideon and Yet Gideon still wanted a sign. So we have the story of the fleece. Gideon said, “Lord, Show me a sign.” So they worked out a plan that Gideon would put out a fleece on the ground. The next morning he would find the fleece dry and the ground wet. God did it. Gideon came back and said Do it one more time just different so I can be sure. So God made the fleece wet and the ground dry. So now Gideon was sure. But he was sure because of his own testing of God.
So the story goes on latter that God tells Gideon that they are to get all the men together and go to war. So Gideon, who is sure he knows God’s voice now, gets all the men together. I’m sure he was so proud of himself, maybe even a little self-centered, but there was a problem; he couldn’t hide it from God. But God has a plan. He said to Gideon that he had too many men. Can you imagine how Gideon must have felt; I mean he was ready to wipe out his enemy with this massive army that HE had gathered. That wasn’t God’s plan. So through a series of events God took that army from about 32,000 men to 300 men. Why? Because only in our weakness can he be glorified.
We must remember that through all things God is in control. So that leads to my next point.
Let go of control: Give into dying and let God take control.
There comes a point in all of our lives we must give up control. I had one of those moments. It all started one Friday night. My brother and I were driving towards the Cave. We left his house in Nashville, LaVerne actually, and drove 45 min out of town. Little by little the city lights faded, and then the 4 lanes turned to 2. Next thing I knew we were on a “2 lane” paved road that only one car could get through at a time. We got there and turned off the radio and slowed way down for fear of waking the locals. We were in deep wood, shoot first ask questions if their still alive, territory. The truck passed 4 homes on the way to the cave spot. Nice, barb wire laced drives with un-welcoming signs posted every where.
The truck pulled to a stop at a small turn around on the side of the road. We were 600ft straight up from the cave. At this point the sun was just starting to fade over the horizon, and a misty haze was settling on the tree tops. We walked, slid, whatever down the side of this mountain to the bottom, careful not to lose the trail. Well, actually there was no trail, just water run off pattern that we followed to the bottom. There, at the bottom, was the mouth of this cave. Only God knew what the next 40 hours would be like.
We sat there for around 15 min. looking at the change in the landscape as the sun disappeared and listening to the stream that flowed out of the mouth of the cave. Finally we strapped on our gear, one mag light and one head lamp for each of us; and picked up our bags, my brother with a lap pouch, and myself with a duffel bag. We then went forward into the deep, dark, engulfing hole of the cave.
After walking and being shown like a tourist the outer rim of the cave my brother and I preceded into the deeper parts, the more uncharted parts of this cavern. The amazing sights that I saw, words can’t express. We saw where stalactites and stalagmites met and formed pillars over 40 ft in length. We saw collapsed domes were the loose rock had separated from the more solid granite roof and left layered effects on the ceiling. We saw stones in deep parts of the cave inscribed with names and dates from slaves who were probably hiding out. Then we saw it.
Off to our right was a crawl space, The Devil’s Craw. At the entrance to this craw was a wall of crystals some still in the forming process, some in full form and beauty. We spent some time digging like excavators through the dirt carefully trying to salvage some of these stones. After finding our fill we decided to see where this crawl led.
One thing you get use to in a cave is normally you can come in one way and leave by means of another route. Most caves have numerous exits. So we went down this crawl with no fear. For one the crawl had been marked. In other words there was an arrow with an ‘O’ at one end pointing towards the way out. So we went against the arrow to go in deep and see where this lead to. In order to climb through these crawls we had to leave both packs behind. So armed with our sense of adventure, and our trusty MAG lights and head lamps we began to crawl. We knew we were the first in years to travel this path because of the stalactites that were forming on the roof of the crawl space that would break against our back on the crawl.
After over ½ a mile of a some what open crawl where you could almost dog crawl, we were forced to army crawl. This continued for another 2 miles or more. Finally we came out an opening into a new cave. We had the time of our life exploring this cave system. We followed the arrows still against the flow to see where they all lead.
First we found the ‘Rain Room’. This room had water seeping in through small cracks in the roof, falling down onto a large slanted rock and then falling to the ground. There was a small cavern behind that you could climb into many different ways, thus actually sitting behind the waterfall watching the water. We then kept exploring.
We found a passage of channels. These were water wash outs. The water had washed away all the rock and then left a small platform on each side, then repeated until you had rows of these platforms around 20 ft high. The width in-between them were only about 1 ft or less at smallest to 2 ft at most. We had to find our way climbing through these channels, sometimes walking on the bottom of the cave, other times the middle and yet other times on top of the channels. Alternating where we were at to maneuver through these things was a chore.
They came out into our ‘Mud Room’. Rocks fallen and covered over with hundreds of years of dust and dirt that created a slick and unsafe stepping ground; one such rock had fallen then to create a bridge between one side and another room. Straddling this ‘bridge’ you could see, or hear, straight down about 20 ft to a stream that was flowing underneath us.
On the other side was another collapsed dome room. This one was definitely the road less traveled. Our arrows ended in these last two rooms abruptly. The dome room was full of rocks that were teetering on edge and could fall at any second. Not the safest room to be in.
So we decided we hadn’t found another way out so let’s go back and leave by way we came. Easier said then done.
We went back to the place we started and couldn’t find our hole. You have to understand; when you are in a real cave there are hundreds of holes and caverns etc... It’s like finding a needle in a haystack. When we came out there were arrows inside and we saw arrows when we came out, but where had that been.
This began our adventure. We spent the next 35 hours or so going through every hole, every crack everything trying to find a way out. Of course sleep was overtaking us, so we finally decided we should find a warm spot and try to rest. Resting was one thing, you close your eyes to pitch black wondering “Lord, will I ever awake again?” Then when you do, you feel the whole effects of hyperthermia. You can hardly move, talk stand up anything.
So we spent the next 35 hours trying to sleep 15 min, and then work for 45. When you’re working at climbing rocks you sweet, then when you rest you freeze. It was a vicious and life threatening cycle.
That is when I began to pray. Pray for peace, pray for help, just pray for a way out.
Not too many people can say that they have ever had a time in their life where they knew beyond a shadow that they were going to die, I have. We had both given into the fact that we were going to die down there but that we may as well keep moving and going as long as we possibly could.
Now if you remember, we didn’t have our packs with our food, water, emergency blankets etc. We were licking water off of rocks anything just to wet our throats. Yet through it all there was a peaceful feeling in my soul.
Even when I thought we would surly die, I knew that God was in control. You know that Bible says, ‘ask and it will be given to you’. Do you know how unrealistic that is? If you were to ask for a cheeseburger would you get it? Not unless you were driving to that fast food joint yourself with money in your pocket. It’s the same way with prayer. If we are not in the right line with God our prayers will seem to be un-answered. So how do we get in the right line with God?
I found two things in the dark that made me calm. One was a story of a man at the bottom of a ladder that leads to heaven with Jesus sitting at the top. Jesus looks down and says “Come to me but you can’t use the ladder.” The man sits down and for years does nothing but think through all the worlds’ knowledge of flight, religions, etc… anything that we know on earth to try and figure out how to do this. Finally in utter frustration he throws up his hands and says, “I can’t do it!” At that very second Jesus reached down and says, “That’s IT!!!” and brings him up. The point was, WE are nothing. We are pointless. There is no power in ourselves. ‘Meaningless, a chasing after the winds’ as Ecclesiasties would say. Yet, there is a power in God that can move mountains. When we realize that it is not us showing people God, we are to reflect Jesus like the moon reflects the sun. Only then will people be changed. “Not by works that any man should boast…..”
Then the second thing that I found was this: We don’t ask right. Once we have given all to Jesus we then are prepared to ask. What does the Bible say…? On one part it says “Ask in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ...” We can’t go near God. We have no right to ask anything of God. But through the High priest and Mediator of Jesus Christ who we can “hide” behind to go to the father we can ask all things.
I thought of these while in the cave that we thought was our tomb. AT one point I looked at my brother who had told me this ladder story a while ago and said it was time. The funny thing looking back was, I know now that I was crouching down just 2 feet to the right of our exit hole. Isn’t that ironic of God to say, YOU IDIOT!!! You keep stumbling over it but in your frail, week, tired state of mind you can’t even see it! Give it to me and let ME show you how to get out that way you can glorify ME not your own findings. So that next time when we went to rest for 5 min, I kept repeating “In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ show us the way out”. Over and over. Within 2 hours we found our hole.
At one point when I was praying down there, my brother looked at me and said, “You realize that greater people then us have asked for a miracle and not gotten one.” So why did God chose to hear our prayers? Why did we have to go through 40 hours of torture and pain? I mean we were so sore we could hardly walk for a day. I dislocated my shoulder, my brother cracked a rib. We both are saved and are right with God, but yet he still saw fit to change us more.
It’s because until we truly die to God we are worthless to him. Paul said we must die daily to ourselves. We must give up our rights, our desire to be in control and let God lead us. “To him who is able to do exceedingly more than we can ever think or imagine.” I can think of some amazing things, so that has to be good.
I once was dead, by now I am resurrected. To what reason or purpose is for God to know and to reveal to me in his time. Until then I will tell the world of Him, and the mighty, marvelous, and miraculous power or PRAYER!!!

So we’ve talked about what can hinder us from doing God’s will: Control, Self-centeredness, and Satan’s control. Let’s talk a little about the results that we can have once we relinquish the control.
The Bible sums this up: We need to be like Jesus himself. The only way to get there is to die and let Jesus take control of our lives.
Have you ever seen an Elvis impersonator? I’m sure you have. I’ve seen many of them. Some are pretty good, others are just totally off. None of them will ever truly have the best Elvis impersonation. Why? Because they are not the real thing.
The world is full of Hurting people who are looking for Jesus. They are looking for Truth, and unconditional Love. Whether you want to admit it or not, they are looking to us as believers in Christ to show them these traits. You know what the number one thing that turns them away is? People who they feel are false or hypocritical.
We can never be truth to other humans, because we are human. Humans are full of sin. The reason we appear hypocritical to others and turn them away from our faith is due to us not showing them how to have a personal relationship with Jesus. We teach them the essentials, but we leave out one key element. Never put another human being on a pedestal. Jesus should be our only focal point. Humans will fail you. It is what a human does after failing that constitutes whether they are a hypocrite or not.
Just like an Elvis impersonator, we can’t truly personate Jesus. Jesus is Divine and we are human. But when we give up control, when we die to selfish ambition and lies, then Jesus can control our lives and only then will we show Jesus to others. Who better to do it then Jesus himself? Let him work, let him speak through you.
A Christian artist told a story he read of a man who visited a nursing home with his church youth group every week. He stood in the back every week not wanting to be there. Each week one old man would come and wheel up next to him and put his hand inside the youth workers. He did this for quite a while. One visit the old man wasn’t own for the meeting so this youth worker asked some nurses and found his room. Upon walking into the room he found this old man dying, and his daughter beside him. When she looked up she smiled and said, “You must be Jesus”! Here this old man kept telling them how Jesus came and visited him every week and just held his hand.
Folks, we are nothing! We are worse than nothing and every time we try to do anything for Christ it is all done in vain. Only when we give everything we have, forget ourselves and what we can get out of anything, and let God take full control, ONLY then will people finally see Jesus in us and through us. “Let your light shine before men...” Jesus is that light that will shine through you if you’ll let him,

So I now it is time to talk to the pastors out there. Maybe I should have done this at the first, I mean how many pastors ever finish a book. They only skim through them and get what they feel is necessary and then tell everyone they read it! But anyways… as I said earlier “Pastors are humans too…” I had a friend when I was an assistant manager at a huge retail chain. He was a police officer. Chad and I would get into debates while working on 3rd shift on the law and cops. My issue was if speeding is illegal than why do you always see cops flying down the road at 50 in a 25 school zone etc.. His quote was it is okay for us to break the law so as to catch those citizens who are doing it also. That works for a police man, but not for a preacher.
Satan had found an area to discredit the church and that is turning out as a huge jackpot. It is found in this area: Integrity. When I went to College, a young 16 year old who turned 17 at school, I was still young in my faith. At that point I hadn’t realized that I needed to look to Jesus for my standards. Instead I had set up certain people who had been influential in my families lives. 1) A youth speaker who had touched my sisters life tremendously ; 2) A Bible Professor who had mentored one of my brothers and ministered at a large church on campus 3) A professor who had taught in Youth ministries for years and 4) A Bible Professor who had been highly spoken of by my brother.
I went to college and found something there that I felt where inconsistent with the Bible and how I was raised, so in my questioning I looked to these people. Well, during this time #1, was caught having an affair with a student and left the college, #2, same, #3, was very stand offish and unhelpful and finally #4. #4 hurt the worse. The reason being was because we set up a meeting for lunch and I came hoping to sit at his feet and learn, and my first greeting was a comment on how I was a disgrace to my family name because of my appearance. I had a stylish hair cut, and ear rings. The rest of the lunch went consistent with that and he ended up dismissing himself abruptly from our lunch.
My world began to reel at that point. I questioned everything about my faith. It was then that I realized something that everyone of us needs to know if we want to be truly effective for God. We are reflections of God, never let anyone look up to us but we need to point them to Him!
Pastors, too many times I feel that we forget the verse in James that is written, “we who teach will be judged more strictly.” We begin to think that like those officers, we are above temptation, lust, swearing, evil thoughts, etc.. We are not yet truly like Jesus. Only he was ‘Perfect and with out Blemish.’ We give our congregations what they want not what they need.
There is also a huge lack of integrity in the youth pastor positions. This was my choice of studies in College. Even after I declared my major, I had numerous people in my church, pastors etc. ask me when I was going to grow up and be a real minister. It ticked me off. It ticked me off so much I wanted to show them how much I could do. And that is when Satan got a talon’s hold.
‘It is not I but Christ who lives within me!”
The second kind of youth pastor that we see is those who don’t want to grow up, these are caused mainly due to the first issue. The biggest thing I see that is killing our teens today is this second kind of youth pastor. They spend their time trying to make the kids have fun, and to be liked. They spend little to no time teaching the Bible.
The best example I can give of this was at our latest church camp. In the middle of our teen service the youth pastor stopped and started talking about his top 10 favorite movies. At one point he even said, “If you’ve not seen (Certain movie series that is R rated and violent, on of which has a 30 min. group sex scene) you might as well be Amish.” It’s okay though, next week he’ll talk about Peer Pressure. Do we not see the hypocritical nature in this? How can a youth pastor get away with this? Because the pastor is thinking he’ll grow out of it!! We need to teach them that verse from James. They will be held accountable for how they influenced the lives of those teens placed in their paths.
“If we are the body, why aren’t his hands reaching..”
So what keeps us from fully dying to Christ and giving up everything? 1) Doubt and 2) being out of focus.
Doubt is a natural thing. We doubt certain things like if well make it to the store in time, or if the sun will shine today etc. You can’t get rid of doubt until you get rid of sin. These things keep us from truly knowing God. Not all of us will be lucky and hear God like Moses, but even Moses doubted and he heard God. Joseph who had many dreams, cried out to God and asked why his visions for others came true but not for himself. The list goes on. Not all of us will have a fleece experience like Gideon. But one thing is for sure, if we pray and focus on God, we all will have that still small voice experience. It may not be audible, but it will be internal.
I love taking pictures but too many times I get my photos developed and I’ll almost always have 1 or 2 out of focus. Why? I haven’t read all the latest books or manuals on how to operate my camera; Or My eyes jut might be looking at the wrong thing. In our lives we are so quick to look at things around us for a standard to see how we are doing.
I struggle currently with doing what God wants and making a good living. The reason that is, is because I am setting my bearings by looking to the world. My focus is on the surrounding culture. If we spent our time focusing on eternity, it’s realness and its nearness, we would treat this world so very differently.
Yet there is one small problem that remains. We don’t journal our thoughts and prayer lives. We are human and thus are brains fail. Edison a very brilliant man, was known to keep a paper with him at all times that had on it his home address and other important numbers. Not because he couldn’t remember them but because he wanted to make sure his mind was free for more important information. Is your heart and brain empty and ready for Biblical information? We should be cleansing ourselves of all ideas and views and reading our Bible daily. Then we should journal our findings so as to remind us in times of trouble.
Because my friends we should be having trouble. If you find life is easy, even here in America then you are not living as you should. The Bible promises us that “in this world you will have troubles..” and that just as Christ was persecuted so will they persecute us. It is coming my brothers and sisters. Can you truly tell yourself that when it comes to you that you will be ready? What if you are imprisoned for a long period of time as Pastor Samuel Lamb in China, how will you remember verses you have not read or even yet memorized? What then will keep your heart from failing you and your mind from convincing you that this Christianity is a fraud? What then? Will the latest business magazine that you read give you hope? Will the Stock market results do that?
No my friends nothing but the words of our savior can bring us that peace that passes all understanding. He will provide to us a protector and comforter when the time comes if we trust him.
“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart!” This doesn’t mean the fulfillment of personal desires. No, but a heart that is truly in God’s control will have desires that are in line with God’s will. These are the desires that are granted, they are ones coming from one who has died to self.
It’s like driving down the road in the rain and not turning on the windshield wipers. Everything is a blur. All you have to do is give in and hit the button and you can see so much clearer. You don’t personally clear the windshield, you have to rely on something else. When we give over control to God, we will see life in a whole new, much clearer way, not because of our worth but His.
So the sooner we all learn we are destined to fail the better off we’ll be.
Learning from others. God works through others!